


Memento Mori

by LuxKen27



Category: InuYasha - A Feudal Fairy Tale
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Drama, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-09-07
Updated: 2008-12-24
Packaged: 2017-11-01 17:35:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 26,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/359485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LuxKen27/pseuds/LuxKen27
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She was the embodiment of virtue. He was her forbidden temptation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Memento Mori

**Author's Note:**

> This is the story that put me on the map in IY fandom.
> 
> Disclaimer: The _Inuyasha_ concept, story, and characters are copyright Rumiko Takahashi and Viz Media.

~*~

This wasn’t supposed to happen.

She was Kagome Higurashi! She was supposed to be the good girl, the straight arrow, the paragon of purity.

She was considered by her peers to be one of the nicest, friendliest people in their class. Nobody ever said anything bad about her; she was sweet enough to never warrant jealous gossip. She managed to cross all the boundaries of modern high school life: age, class rank, popularity, gender. She was _that girl_ , the one all the other girls envied (for her marks, her athleticism, her hot boyfriend, her perfect hair); the one all the other boys wanted to bring home to their parents (for her mild nature, flawless complexion, impeccable manners).

Best of all, she seemed blissfully unaware of it. She was genuine in her compliments, her sympathy, her cheer. She acted like she _belonged_ at the top of the social heap, but not like she worked hard to get there – as if she’d be perfectly content to be the mousy little girl nobody danced with at prom.

Not that such a fate would ever befall her. Ever since ninth grade, she had been involved with Hojo-kun, the hunky senior class president. They were the Perfect Couple; they could practically be twins in terms of personality. He was endlessly gracious, with a calming nature. He was never involved in petty squabbles, having a kind word for friends and enemies alike.

Everyone knew the story of their fairy-tale romance, how he swept her off her feet in junior high school – how he’d doted on her during her numerous illnesses and absences. He was completely devoted to her, and she to him. They’d been going steady for three years. In the tumultuous world of high school romance, they were the bedrock.

Everyone knew it; took it for granted; Kagome + Hojo Forever. It was practically written in the stars.

That’s why…this wasn’t supposed to happen.

~*~

_…spring, sweet rhythm dance in my head…_

Kagome hummed softly to herself as she walked down the hall. A small smile played at the corners of her mouth. It was springtime, this was her last class of the day, and it was Friday! Could life possibly get any better than it was at this moment?

“Kagome!”

“Hey Kagome, wait up!”

She turned slightly to see a trio of girls rushing towards her. She smiled and greeted them in turn as they approached her.

“Is it true?” Ayumi gasped as she skidded to a stop.

“Kagome, I can’t believe it!” Yuka bubbled.

“You’re so lucky,” Eri cried.

Kagome blushed prettily. “Yes, it’s true,” she confirmed, holding out her left hand. A solid platinum band graced her ring finger, sparkling in the light that streamed through the school’s windows. The girls eagerly grabbed her hand, twisting her wrist as they ‘oohed’ and ‘aahed’.

“Give us details!” Ayumi demanded, squeezing Kagome’s fingers impulsively.

Kagome gave them a thoughtful look before speaking. “Well, it was our three-year anniversary. We had a wonderful dinner at a French restaurant, and…he gave me this.”

She could practically see their hearts floating before their eyes. “That’s so romantic!” Yuka swooned.

Kagome could only smile weakly. _Romantic? Well, I guess so…_ That really wasn’t the first word that came to mind when she thought about her long-term relationship. “Steady,” “solid,” “safe” – such terms were more in tune with her feelings on the matter.

However, she was well used to everyone believing she was one half of the school’s Perfect Couple, and that they shared some sort of once-in-a-lifetime grand passion…even if she herself had never felt that way.

“He must be crazy in love with you, Kagome,” Eri sighed as she eyed the ring. “I’m jealous. I wish a guy felt that way about me.”

The warning bell rang then, interrupting their conversation.

Kagome gratefully extracted her hand and its adornments from her friends’ scrutiny. “I better go,” she said. “I don’t want to be late to my last class!” With a wave, she dashed off in the direction of her history class.

As she slid into her seat, she looked down at the ring. It _was_ beautiful, and she was flattered to have received such an expensive gift. She had never loved Hojo more (which, she happily suspected, had been his main intent), but she was troubled by everyone else’s reaction. It had been two weeks, and everyone that had approached her asked her when she was getting married!, or, did she suspect Hojo was so serious about her?!, or marveling at the envy they felt for her position.

Truth be told, she found it rather stifling.

She was a Good Girl, and she knew Hojo was a Good Boy. They fit together. They made sense. They had a deep, meaningful relationship, built on years of patience and love and grace and solid _togetherness_. He was her first love, her first kiss, her first boyfriend.

But she felt like she was missing something…

…oh, she’d never been as romantic as her girlfriends, much preferring practicality to dreaminess. Her head told her, just as much as her heart, that she was in the right place in her life. She was months away from graduating, practically accepted into her first-choice undergrad program. She was so close to accomplishing every task ever given to her by her family, her society, her culture. Her life was unfolding quietly before her, showing her a path to happiness and fulfillment that others would kill to have.

And yet, she found it rather stifling.

She shook her head as the teacher called the class to order. _I can worry about these feelings later_ , she told herself. This was Honors history, her worst subject! She was no history buff; something about all those dates and battles and trading contracts just made her eyes glaze over. It was getting harder and harder to truly care about classes, now that they were almost over…but she had to concentrate. She wasn’t about to ruin 12 years of straight A’s because she was feeling a little burnt out.

The teacher walked around the room, reviewing a bit of the last chapter. They had just finished discussing the Warring States era, a very unsettling period for Kagome, personally – the monarchy overthrown by violent factions, who fought for control of the entire country. It was a period of civil unrest that led to hundreds of thousands of deaths. A century of chaos and murder…the very idea made her shudder.

“…and yet, during this particular period of time, we find a significant rise in the oral tradition,” her teacher was saying. “Stories of demons and slayers and spirits take on a whole new significance.” He turned on his heel, heading back to the front of the classroom.

“Your final project for the class will involve investigating one of these myths in the context of the time period,” he said, quickly jotting the ideas on the blackboard as he spoke. “Where did the story come from? What was the moral? What is the historical significance of it? These are questions you should consider in your investigations.”

Kagome quickly copied the questions into her notebook, her brain already hard at work. It wouldn’t be hard to look up a story, she thought – after all, her family probably had tomes and tomes of myths lying around in one of the storehouses. Her grandfather was constantly talking about some legend or the other, even though his stories usually went in one of her ears and out the other.

“You’ll be paired off in tandem for this project,” her teacher said, catching Kagome’s attention once again. “You will be expected to write a paper and give the class a presentation of your findings.”

The classroom was filled with a low buzz as the students contemplated this. They didn’t often get to have partners for homework assignments.

“Everyone seated in Rows 1, 3, 5: look to your left. Everyone in Rows 2, 4, 6: look to your right. Congratulations, you’ve met your partner for this assignment.” The teacher gave a small, wry smile as some of the excitement dissipated.

Kagome, seated in the last row, looked to her right, momentarily startled by the intensity of the golden gaze that met her eyes. She swallowed convulsively. _It’s him._

Inuyasha Tashiro sneered at her. “Great, I’ve got Miss Perfect,” he said, stretching his arms languidly over his head. “I’ve always wondered what it felt like to get an A on a school project.”

Kagome couldn’t believe her eyes. She didn’t know why she felt so surprised; they did have assigned seats, after all, so she’d spent the entire semester sitting next to him. Maybe it was because he’d actually _shown up_ today?

She managed to school her features into a look of practiced patience as she studied him. He was very unusual in appearance, with his longer-than-fashionable silver hair and dark gold eyes. He was obviously smart, given he was on the Honors track, but he didn’t have much of a presence in her world. He wasn’t part of any clubs or societies, rarely showed up for sporting events. He tended to stay on the outer fringes, wanting no part in the popularity stakes.

But, of course, he knew who she was.

They continued to stare at each other, sizing one another up. A prickle of electric tension filled the air between them, causing her stomach to stir. His defiant gaze clouded over, leading her to believe maybe he felt it, too…

“You have three weeks to prepare all parts of this project, and it will count for 35% of your final grade,” the teacher interjected. “Good luck.”

The final bell rang, signaling the end of the school day. All around them, people bustled about, collecting their belongings before rushing for the door. Kagome couldn’t move, pinned by the strange vibe passing between her and her newly-minted history project partner.

Inuyasha finally broke the stare, gathering his books and shoving them in his bag. “So, what do you want to do this project on?” he asked casually, stretching his legs before standing.

Kagome pushed another convulsive swallow past her suddenly-dry throat as she followed suit. “I don’t know,” she confessed, embarrassed to feel so flustered around him. “This isn’t my favorite era of history.”

He snorted as they walked up the aisle. “You have one?”

She blushed, biting her lips as she walked out of the room. She looked up slightly, seeing Hojo standing at the end of the hall, waiting for her. Her face brightened as she waved at him. “How about we meet at the library tomorrow and discuss this?” she asked, dazzling Inuyasha with a bright smile.

It was his turn to appear startled. “Okay,” he said hesitantly, rather amazed at the sudden change of mood. “Around 1, maybe?”

“Sure!” she said brightly, giving him a dismissive wave as she set off toward her boyfriend.

Inuyasha could only stare after her.

Kagome willed her heart to stop fluttering as she approached Hojo. “Hi,” she greeted him, leaning up to kiss his cheek.

“Hi yourself!” he replied, snaking an arm across her waist. “Are you ready to go?” He pushed open the door with his free arm, letting the sunshine spill across the floor.

She gave a happy sigh. “More than ready,” she replied, stepping out of the building, pushing all other thoughts from her mind.

She was with her boyfriend. School was out for the day, and the night held endless possibilities. What more could she want?

~*~

_…someone’s secrets you’ve seen…_

Kagome gracefully juggled her belongings as she stepped off the bus. Her back ached with the weight of the books she carried, but she couldn’t adjust the straps on her shoulders, as her hands were also full. _Maybe I did go a bit overboard_ , she thought to herself as she carefully climbed the steps of the public library. _Oh, well – better to be over-prepared than not!_

She pushed against the heavy doors with one shoulder, tightening her grip on the scrolls in her arms. These weren’t the originals – her grandfather would have had a monumental _fit_ if those left the grounds – but they were delicate nonetheless. Finally, she made it up to the third floor, where the dustiest of the dusty stacks took up residence. It was the home of the reference section of the library, and it was obviously little-used, by the looks of things.

She spotted Inuyasha right away; it was hard to miss such a head of hair, even from a distance. As she approached him, she felt her heart flutter once again. _What the hell?_ she wondered, slightly irritated. _It’s just Inuyasha!_

She pushed the treacherous thoughts from her mind, opening her arms and letting the bundle spill out on the table before him. He laughed as the scrolls rolled around, looking up to meet her gaze with a wry smile.

“Did you bring your own personal library with you?” he asked her, hesitantly touching one of the ancient scripts.

“My family lives at the Sunset Shrine,” she said, slipping into the chair opposite him.

He just stared at her. “Of course,” he deadpanned. He waved an arm to his left, where a few books were lying open. “Well, I started looking up myths, but obviously…” He trailed off, gesturing before him.

Kagome flushed slightly. “Did you find anything interesting? I was afraid there wouldn’t be much here, since this is just the public library…”

He eyed her with curiosity, which only caused her to blush even more. _What are you doing?_ she asked herself, struggling to meet his gaze. _It’s not like a boy’s never stared at you before! You have a boyfriend!_

“You’re right about that,” he said, slamming the books closed. “There’s mention of the oral tradition, just like the sensei said. But, I’ve yet to find these myths and legends explicitly told.” He shrugged.

She shrugged as well, trying to be casual even though she felt anything but. “I’m sure we’ll find something in the shrine records,” she said, clearing her throat all the while. “It was established during the Edo period, after all.”

She grabbed a scroll and unrolled it, even as she felt his eyes upon her once again. When she gathered the nerve to look up, she noted with relief that he’d turned his attention away from her. Quickly, she ducked her head again, her eyes beginning to cross as she read the same paragraph over and over. She was too attuned to his movements, and it was making her incredibly uncomfortable.

A rumble of thunder rolled across the sky, and she shivered. It wasn’t a conscious movement; she didn’t even realize she’d reacted at all until she felt a hand on her arm.

“Kagome? You okay?”

Kagome jolted, as if he’d sent a spark of electricity through her veins. She didn’t answer him right away, her eyes glued to the hand, fingers resting lightly on her forearm. He had long, tapered fingers, like a pianist. Even the shape of his nails was fascinating: cut into perfect half-moons, obviously well groomed.

Not like she expected, at all.

Another dark plod of thunder sounded, followed by a flicker of the lights overhead. She squeezed her eyes shut, all of the muscles of her body seizing as the irrational fear gripped her.

God, she hated thunderstorms. Absolutely, truly _hated_ them.

The warmth at her arm withdrew. “Afraid of the storm, eh?” he mused. “So even Miss Perfect has a breaking point! Who knew?”

Kagome willed herself to be calm – to keep from reaching across the table and smacking him – to keep the tears firmly behind her eyes. “I’m not perfect,” she muttered between claps of thunder.

He didn’t respond to that; she was grateful for his silence. She didn’t care if he was still staring at her; all she was feeling right now was complete and utter panic, loss of control. She stayed huddled down, eyes shut, until the storm passed over. Luckily, the electricity didn’t fail.

When she finally relaxed out of her death hold, she noted that Inuyasha had turned his complete attention to the scrolls. He was engrossed in whatever story he was reading; he hunched over the table with great interest. She watched as his eyes raced across the page, a smile growing as he neared the bottom of the tablet.

He glanced up, mouth open to say something, but thought better of it. He sat back, lowering his eyelids as he studied her. “Back among the living?” he commented.

She narrowed a glare in his direction. “Never left,” she replied, picking absently at her ring. “Did you find an interesting story?”

He didn’t reply right away, instead watching her fiddle with the band on her left hand. “Yeah,” he said, bringing his eyes back to hers after a moment. “This one sounds promising.” He handed her the scroll.

She glanced over it, her eyebrows lifting as she skimmed the contents. “The Shikon Jewel?” she questioned warily. Her grandfather sold Shikon Jewel trinkets at the shrine. They were supposed to be good luck charms…or something.

“Yeah,” he replied, a smile creasing his mouth. “It’s a classic story of love and loss, and contains a kickass battle between youkai and hanyou and humans. It contains every trope of a modern, classic fairy tale. There’s tons of ways to dissect it!”

His enthusiasm shocked her. In all the time she’d known him, she’d never seen him express such a gung-ho curiosity in anything – not school, not sports, not family or friends or hobbies. Admittedly, he was mostly a loner, never one to really cross her path. But they’d been in school together since sixth grade, and that common history had to count for something, right?

He laughed at her expression, and she quickly snapped her mouth shut. “Yeah, I’m a closet history nerd,” he admitted freely. “Plus I read a lot of manga.”

“And you’ve never gotten an A on a school project?” she sputtered incredulously.

“How many school projects have you ever done on manga?” he asked her. He laughed again. “Believe me, the history buff thing is totally incidental to my true passion.”

That last word reverberated through her. _Passion_. Everything about it – the tone of his voice, the wry smile, the implication of the word – washed over her. She’d never been passionate about anything, much less something as insignificant as manga.

She stared at him with something akin to awe.

“Have I managed to throw you off guard, Miss Perfect?” he teased, again reaching for her hand. “I guess we all have our deep, dark secrets.”

“Yeah,” she managed, her eyes sliding down to look at their hands. His was barely resting on hers, perfectly chaste and friendly, and yet…the warmth, the heat of even that slight touch, was stronger than she’d felt in a long time.

His fingers curled slightly around hers, giving her hand a slight squeeze. “So? Are we a ‘go’ on the Shikon Jewel story for our project?”

Kagome shook herself mentally, gathering her wits. “Sure,” she replied, licking her lips and trying to turn her attention away from their joined hands. “I’ll see if we have any more records of the story at home.”

“Cool,” Inuyasha said, releasing her hand and reaching for his books. “Now that we have an idea, I can focus the research here a bit more.” He picked them up and pushed back from the table.

“Wait!” she burst out. “Where are you going?”

He gave her a strange look. “To the card catalog. I don’t need permission, do I?” he asked sarcastically. He didn’t bother waiting for a response, moving away from the table with silent, effortless ease.

As she stared after him, her traitorous thoughts invaded once again. _What the hell was that about?_ she berated herself. _You have a boyfriend. Inuyasha’s not interested in you, he’s just being nice. He has other passions in his life…_

She sighed. If she was completely honest with herself, she’d admit that she was a bit jealous he could show such passion for something, even if it was as silly as a manga collection. What did that feel like? Were only certain people inclined to feel it? She’d lived her whole life without ever declaring herself passionately interested in something, and figured that maybe she always would.

After all, she was practical. Not romantic.

She gathered the scrolls again, lining them up neatly on the table as she discreetly checked her watch. She had a standing Saturday evening date with her boyfriend, and it was nearly five o’clock. She looked around, not spotting Inuyasha nearby, and decided to find him, instead of waiting for him to return. Gathering her possessions, she walked toward the card catalog, which was near the stairwell and thus, on her way out.

“Inuyasha?” she said quietly, walking up to him. “I’ve got to go.”

He looked up at her from the computer. “Okay,” he said. “When do you want to get together again?”

“Maybe Monday afternoon? After school? I have archery club till five, but then I’m free…”

He allowed the suggestion to roll around his head. “Sounds good,” he replied, looking back at the computer. “See you then.”

“Right,” she said, hugging the scrolls close to her chest. “See you then.”

~*~

_…you quench my heart and you quench my mind…_

That Monday afternoon turned into every afternoon of the week, and the following week. Kagome found herself drawn into the story of the tragic hanyou, betrayed by another into killing his beloved priestess. When reawakened from his curse, he vowed to find and destroy this enemy, along with the jewel the enemy so craved, which his priestess had kept safe from the evil of the world. There was a lot of meat to the story, and she could feel herself growing more and more interested in it, in the different angles at which they could approach it.

This wasn’t supposed to happen.

Gradually, she began to notice how her ordered little world was closing in on her. She tried to put it off, excuse it as an aftershock of being so close to graduation and the millions of little details clogging her mind: what she was going to wear to prom, her valedictory speech, which undergrad program she was going to ultimately choose, etc. And yet, it seemed the more time she spent with the flirty, enigmatic Inuyasha, the harder it became to deny it.

She wanted him.

Or, more specifically, she wanted to be _like_ him. He talked enthusiastically about their project, and she wanted to find that same excitement within herself. She wanted to know what it felt like to be passionate about something, interested to the point where it became the center of her universe. The more she got to know him – and his sense of humor took some getting used to – the more she realized just how dull her life had been to this point.

Oh, she’d done everything _right_ – straight A’s since grade school, respectable ability with a bow and arrow (and tennis racquet), loving family, balanced social life – and she didn’t regret any of it. But she’d never felt the grand passion for any of it, not like everyone thought and envied of her.

Maybe she was Miss Perfect. But Miss Perfect hadn’t had any real fun in a very long time, it seemed.

She didn’t devote _all_ of her time to the history project; far from it. She had other obligations, other hobbies to round out her time. She had dinner with her family every night. She had a steady date with her boyfriend on Saturdays. There was an archery tournament coming up to practice for.

Her life was stifling her.

She could feel the edges of it closing around her, cocooning her. She’d enjoyed the feeling before, because it meant she was in control. But…she began to wonder to herself…had she be so concerned with being a Well-Rounded Individual, being the perfect daughter, perfect student, perfect girlfriend, that she’d missed out on something very important?

It was a revelation that played heavily on her mind, as she headed into the final week of the history project.

They’d been meeting regularly at the library, on the third floor, in the stacks. It was becoming a second home; they’d spend a few hours there each night, puzzling over a new idea. She began to see them in the main roles of the story; he was the brave warrior hanyou, out to avenge his beloved’s death; she was the miko who wanted to save the world. Of course, that miko also loved the hanyou enough to die for him. _What did that feel like?_ she asked herself one night, running her hands across the scroll containing Kikyo’s role in the saga.

She found herself comparing experiences. She felt like she was lost in a haze, living someone else’s life. Her reaction to her friends’ gushing was confusion, and guilt. She never told them their ideas of her were so completely wrong; she let them live with the misbegotten notion that she led a charmed life. Why?

The more time she spent with Hojo, the more she felt trapped and smothered by him. Their shared life was utterly routine. They went to the same restaurants, held the same conversations, exchanged the same good-night kiss over and over again. He had started acting more possessive of her since giving her that ring on their anniversary. Oh, he could never be outright cruel or nasty, but it was like he was taking her – and their relationship – for granted.

Perhaps worst of all, she didn’t find him attractive anymore. He was still as doting and loving and caring as he’d ever been, but it was…bland? When she looked at him, she found herself wishing broad shoulders, wild silver hair, dark amber eyes in place of his more normal features.

One night, at the conclusion of a study session for the history project, the realization came crashing down on her. _I have a crush on him_ , she thought, eyeing Inuyasha shyly from underneath her lashes.

She’d never had a crush before; at least, not like this.

Everything about Inuyasha fascinated her, from his explosive wit, to the flirtatious way he touched her, to the way he let his hair fall over his shoulders and cover his face when he was really engrossed in a book. She’d touched his hair before, and she was surprised at the texture: thick, yet soft and light. It didn’t seem to react to the humidity or cold (qualities most girls spent a fortune simulating with hair care products).

His smiles always reached his eyes, and he never minced words. He wasn’t afraid to break out a sarcastic quip or tactless comment, even if the situation didn’t call for it. She realized he was quiet when he had nothing to say, and that it was mistaken for aloofness. The more time she spent with him, the more she was able to read his moods, and it seemed…he lived his life freely. There was no careful containment of his emotions, no order of the chaos. He didn’t care if he was offensive or nice. He was him, not someone else’s idea of what he should be.

 _It must be nice_ , she thought as she continued to look at him. _No restrictions. No expectations. No fears._

She was going to miss him. When this project was over, they’d drift apart again, back to their own worlds. It was inevitable; three weeks did not a lasting friendship make. He seemed to realize this as well; he called her “Miss Perfect” about as much as he used her first name, as if to remind her of their social distance, of the impending doom of their time together.

He looked up at that moment, catching her in the middle of her sad thought. “Why the long face?” he joked, reaching across to tap his pencil on her hand.

She forced her lips into some semblance of a smile. “Nothing,” she replied, turning her attention back to her notes. They were supposed to be finishing the paper; with only two more days, it was time to put the polish on the project.

He stared at her for a moment. “Don’t worry, you’ll be rid of me soon enough,” he said, the laughter in his tone ringing false.

She glanced up as he looked down, his pencil once again scratching across the page. _What if I don’t want to be?_

~*~

_…in your eyes I see what’s on my mind…_

Kagome’s eyes drooped; her head fell forward, off the perch of her hand, and she roused herself awake once more. Her notebook came into focus, albeit blearily. _What time is it?_ she wondered, lifting her arm slightly to peer down at her watch.

_Oh, God._

It was pretty bad to be falling asleep at 4:30 in the afternoon.

She put her hands straight down at her sides and literally jostled herself awake, forcing her concentration on the sheet in front of her. She was waiting for Inuyasha to show up; it was the final day of their assigned time for the history project. They’d finished the paper the night before; all that was left was turning their findings into a five-minute presentation.

She’d skipped archery club after school, hoping to find Inuyasha ready and waiting at the library. Alas, it was for naught; he wasn’t there yet. She wasn’t surprised, but she did find herself feeling a bit…disappointed?

 _Get over it, girl_ , she told herself firmly. _You are off the market._

Somehow, this truth didn’t placate her.

She pushed the thoughts from her mind completely, choosing instead to pick over their paper, pulling out the finer points for their presentation. Together, they’d come up with some brilliant ideas (if she did say so herself). She was actually looking forward to discussing them in class, even though, as a general rule, she didn’t engage in public speaking.

She sensed his approach, glancing up as he came into view half an hour later. He was absolutely drenched, soaked from head to foot, but was still grinning at her like a madman. Her heart began to race in that now-familiar pattern, and she couldn’t resist returning his smile.

“I’m flattered!” he said as he approached their table, dropping his bag beside the chair. “You couldn’t wait to see me, eh, Miss Perfect?”

She lowered her eyelashes. “You know how I yearn for you,” she said dramatically, hoping to disguise the truth of the statement.

He laughed as he peeled his raincoat from his shoulders, throwing it across the back of his chair before sitting. He reached down, presumably for his own books and notes; Kagome was surprised to see a bag of fast food land on the table instead.

Her eyes widened. “You can’t eat in here!” she hissed, pulling her notebook away, as if afraid it would pick up the scent.

He ignored her scandalized expression and opened the bag. “Oh, come on,” he scoffed, digging out the burger and fries. “Nobody ever comes up here.”

 _That’s true_ , she conceded, eyeing the fries, her stomach flipping in hunger. Skipping archery practice also meant skipping the post-archery practice snack.

“Besides,” he continued around a mouthful of burger, “haven’t you ever wanted to break the rules?” He nudged the package of fries closer to her.

She couldn’t resist that steamy, potato-ey goodness for long. “Maybe,” she replied coyly, biting into a still-warm fry.

They ate in silence, each glancing over their own notes. Time slipped by as they began their collaboration on the oral presentation, deciding which points to highlight, and who would be in charge of elaborating on which point. Kagome found herself staring at Inuyasha, desperately trying to memorize his features, the way he tilted his head while in thought, the tone of his laugh. Spending time with him had opened up to her a whole different world of possibilities…and only now did she realize how desperately she was going to miss him.

This wasn’t supposed to happen.

She wasn’t supposed to fall in love with him.

It was crazy. She barely knew him, and yet…she felt like he had insights on her that nobody else did. He saw past the façade (even when he chose to distance himself with it), showed her the potential she had to become something even better than she ever imagined.

It was stupid, to feel this way about someone she barely knew, someone who, for most of his life, had barely registered on her radar. He’d flirted with her, touching her hand or shoulder or back, but he’d never truly embraced her or kissed her. The overwhelming urge to kiss him clawed up from her gut. Yes, she decided; she’d kiss him goodnight, a parting gift for spending three wonderful weeks with her, showing her a captivating side of history she usually glossed over.

The notion filled her stomach with butterflies, and she’d _definitely_ never felt this way about a guy before – not even the first time Hojo kissed her, all the way back in middle school. She cringed as she remembered it, so soft and chaste and…closed. Bland.

Could she even admit to herself how much her fairy-tale romance felt like scripted reality?

She busied herself with her notes, pushing the thoughts from her mind. She perused the paper with renewed interest, outlining the plot of the dastardly villain of their story. He’d destroyed the woman he loved because he figured – if he couldn’t have her, no one would.

She shuddered at the thought.

All of a sudden, the library went pitch-black. Kagome screeched as an extended roar of thunder rattled the windowpanes. She thought it was a pretty contained reaction, considering her absolute hatred for thunderstorms.

“Kagome?” Warm hands engulfed hers, orienting her back to the table.

She squeezed Inuyasha’s fingers as the thunder subsided, willing her nerves to stop jangling. She took a deep breath, steadying herself to assure him she was okay (and not a big baby), when the accompanying lightning streaked across the sky, cracking as it struck a nearby tree.

That was it. With another stifled scream, she pulled away, scrambling under the table and wrapping her arms around her knees. She could hear the voices of the other library patrons drifting up to them: speculation about the storm, how long the power would be out, when the generators would kick on, or did that strike of lightning hit the generator? Eventually, the voices began to blend together, becoming blurry as her eyes took over sensory control.

She _hated_ thunderstorms. She never told anybody why, because everybody that needed to know (her family), already did. Not even Hojo knew, though he had embraced her and comforted her through some pretty fierce ones.

“Kagome?”

Her name reached her ears sometime after she realized Inuyasha was under the table with her, his arm more than halfway around her shoulders. She pressed her face into her knees as he closed his arms around her, pulling her close. One of his hands began to stroke her hair lightly, and that made her cry in earnest.

Inuyasha didn’t say anything, merely held her and allowed her to sob all over him. Her arms slipped down, her hands finding the soft cotton of his shirt and balling into fists. Another wave of thunder and lightning assailed the building, throwing shadowy glances around the room.

“Why do you hate thunderstorms?” Inuyasha asked her quietly.

She sniffled, biting her bottom lip hard as she worked to regain control of herself. “Because of my dad,” she finally answered, raising her hands to her eyes and swiping futilely at the tears.

He continued to thread his fingers through her hair, reaching out to brush her cheek softly with the pad of his thumb as his hand passed by. She raised her head slightly, leaning into the brief caress.

“I found out about my dad’s death during a thunderstorm,” she said a few moments later, as she calmed down enough to speak. “He’d been in a horrible car accident that day, while I was at school. When I finally got home that afternoon – and saw Mama and Jii-chan and the police…The weather was terrible. And it stormed that whole night, so bad I couldn’t sleep.”

She bit her lips again at the painful memory; she’d never forget that horrible night, lying awake in bed, replaying the news over and over again in her mind. She was old enough to know what death meant – that he was never coming back, that she’d never see his gentle, smiling face again – and it absolutely broke her heart. Ever since then, whenever it stormed, she was reminded of that fear, that gnawing feeling of hopelessness and loss of control.

When he didn’t respond to this hushed confession, she gave a bitter laugh. “It’s silly, I know.”

He pressed a lock of hair behind her ear, letting his hand drift along the line of her jaw. “It’s not silly,” he said. “It’s understandable.”

She followed the feel of his fingers, turning her head to face him. Another clap of thunder, another flash of lightning – and she saw him, briefly, his eyes alight with concern, his expression arranged with a sympathetic cast. A question burned on her tongue, a silly thought that wouldn’t let go of her mind until she gave it voice, credence.

“Do you think I’m stupid?”

He chuckled.

Her heart sank. _What a stupid thing to ask_ , she told herself. _Now I’m going to know how he really feels, whether I’m ready to hear it or not._ Really, wasn’t it better to cling to the notion that he did like her, in some capacity?

“Not stupid,” he said softly. “Not perfect, either.”

“I’m not perfect,” she insisted. “I never claimed to be.”

Another crash of thunder startled her; it seemed the storm was beginning to pass overhead. She didn’t even think; her arms linked around his waist of their own accord; she practically jumped into his lap.

 _Oh, God_ , she thought as she pressed her face into the comforting fabric of his shirt. Her heart was racing a mile a minute; her stomach was reeling, just on this side of nausea; her legs felt like jelly. But she couldn’t focus on those sensations; all she could think was: _oh, God, he smells good._

Was it right? No. Was it proper? _Hell no_! Did this closeness make her head swim and her heart sing and her senses come alive?

Yes.

She tentatively raised one hand, drifting close, touching his face in the dark. _Please let him want this as much as I do_ , she pleaded silently as her fingertips found the contours of his mouth.

“Kagome,” he said, his breath rushing from his mouth, cool to her touch. Her head was too muddled to discern his tone.

She bit her lip, letting her hand fall to his shoulder. “Inuyasha,” she replied softly, her heart bare in her tone.

She could hear the rasp of his breath, felt his shallow inhalations across his back. She wished she could see his face, but in the same moment was glad she couldn’t. Her head felt heavy, her tongue thick. Her heart was pounding in her ears. Her hands were beginning to shake.

She had wanted to kiss him before, but now it felt like a necessary action: if she didn’t, she would die. She was quite certain that her life would literally end if she was forced to endure this agony any longer…

She raised her head, the hand at his shoulder curling around the nape of his neck; the other one travelling up the plane of his back. Tentatively, she pressed her mouth to his, and hoped…

 _No._ He completely stiffened, absolutely unyielding to her advances. Heat crowded her face as she pulled away, shame flushing across her face and neck. _Oh, God, oh, God, why? Why did I do that? Why did he not kiss me back?_ A fresh round of tears threatened to fall.

His hand cupped her cheek softly. “Are you sure?” The question was so quiet, she almost thought she imagined it.

She pressed herself close to him again. “Yes,” she whispered in a rush, leaning into his soft caress. His fingers drifted into her hair, leaving a trail of tingling nerves in their wake. She felt his face edge ever closer to hers, his breath quick against his lips…and then hers…

His mouth brushed hers softly, once, twice. She was surprised that he was so gentle, treating her as if she was some delicate object. She felt his hand on the back of her head, the fingers splayed in her hair. His other arm was locked securely around her shoulders, holding her in place.

Agony…this was worse than the moment before…now that she had the slightest taste of him, she hungered for more. _Please_ , she thought as he continued to tease her. _Please, just kiss me._

As if on cue, his lips settled over hers. She couldn’t move, she couldn’t even breathe; her entire being was absolutely arrested. Her mind was overwhelmed with thoughts, feelings, emotions; she couldn’t analyze this moment, even if she wanted to.

He pulled away after a moment, resettling in a slightly different position, nipping lightly at her bottom lip. She felt herself falling – into him, into bonelessness, into this feeling of absolute abandon. All of a sudden, she was hot and clammy, restricted to the small space inside her skin. She moved closer to him, wrapping her arms around his neck, holding on as if her life depended on it.

She felt his back arch as he kissed her again; his arms shifted, one drifting down to rearrange her legs across his lap. His touch was absolutely electric, blazing trails of fire across her body. She invited his tongue into her mouth, trills of pleasure dancing across her nerves as he complied with her wishes once again.

_Passion._

The word branded itself on her brain. It was the only name she could conjure for her current state of being, and she came to understand it fully as their kisses deepened. This feeling of weightlessness, of anticipation, of absolute rightness – this was addicting. She could see why so many people reached for it, and held onto it when they found it.

“Kagome,” Inuyasha whispered, his breath hot on her face. “We have to stop.”

“No,” she pleaded, reaching up to touch his face. The storm rumbled somewhere in the back of her consciousness. “Please, no.”

He fumbled for a moment, bringing his left hand forward, touching hers as she touched his face. “But this,” he breathed, pressing at the ring on her finger. “It means…‘hands off’.”

The words should have resonated with her, should have reminded her of her rightful place in the world. But, at this moment, she didn’t care. She didn’t care about propriety, or the expectations that weighed so heavily on her. All she cared about was the boy in her arms, and how much she didn’t want him to stop.

“It’s our last night together, Inuyasha,” she sighed, brushing her mouth against his. “I want this. I want you.”

He caught her mouth in a full kiss, releasing her with a harsh intake of breath. “Promise me,” he started, pressing kisses along the side of her jaw.

“What?” she asked, arching forward, allowing him to explore her neck.

“Promise me…you’ll have no regrets,” he said.

God, she wished she could see his face at that moment. “I promise,” she replied solemnly, reaching up to ruffle his hair.

His response was a growl, which was somehow complimentary and thrilling all at once. He braced one arm across her back, reaching down with the other to catch the back of her legs, and pressed himself forward. She was weightless as she fell back, her attention completely on his mouth and the way it moved over hers. He shifted over her, trying to find the best way to rest his weight against her.

She just wanted to relish the feel of his body, pressed against every curve of hers. Her head was so heavy, her body so boneless…she would’ve called herself drunk. She only cared about one thing at that moment, and that was having every part of him wanting every bit of her.

She felt his hands on her stomach, inching up under her shirt, struggling to unite with his mouth as it moved down the span of her neck, across the top of her chest. His fingers curled into her skin, sending waves of heat and tension across her body. She reluctantly let go of his head (oh, how she loved running her fingers through his soft, silken tresses) and pulled at her clothes, more than ready to assist him in his mission. She fumbled with the buttons until she felt his hands close over hers.

His tongue darted out, touching the spot just below her earlobe. “That’s part of the fun,” he breathed against the shell of her ear.

“Don’t tease me,” she mumbled, pulling at his hair once again, expressing her irritation the only way she could figure out how. Her mind was fuzzy. Her senses were heightened as she struggled in the dark, wishing she could see as much as she felt.

His hand drifted away from her chest, down to her leg, moving with deliberate purpose under her skirt. “Talk about tease,” he muttered, dipping between her thighs. She arched off the floor as he touched her there, smoothing his fingers over her. Her heart tripped over itself as she felt his fingers brush all the way over her, then move back again and repeat the motion.

“I-nu- _ya_ -sha,” she breathed, tugging on the long locks of his hair. Tension began to build in the pit of her stomach, not far from where he stroked. It was alleviated – temporarily – as his mischievous hand moved away, and he pressed another gentle kiss to her lips.

“No regrets,” he whispered against her mouth.

“No regrets,” she repeated, her hands moving across his back in an attempt to bring him even closer to her.

She was lost to sensation at that point; only briefly did his actions register in her mind before something new caught her attention. She felt his nails graze her hips as he pulled her underwear down, then the harsh yet alluring texture of his jeans against her bare skin. There was a fumble, a hushed curse, a sound of ripping plastic. She kept her hands on his back, rubbing the smooth muscles near his spine. She could feel his every breath, and it was intoxicating.

His fingers found her again, this time without a barrier of cloth. It was even more exquisite than she imagined; her hips rocked up reflexively, encouraging his touch.

The skin on his back was so warm, as if under a direct patch of sunlight. Stupidly, in her mind’s eye she saw the splash of sunlight on the tiles of the floor at school, that widening path as the door was held open for her. Her fingers wandered further down his back, finding no resistance from the clothes at his waist.

There was a new sensation between her legs; something not quite as warm as his fingers, something slick and unknown. She closed her eyes and arched up, hoping to invite the return of his wandering hand.

Instead there was pain, momentarily blinding pain as she was invaded. Her eyes shot open and she looked up accusingly, her mouth slack at the betrayal. His body was close to hers again, his chest rising and falling against hers, his kisses soft against her face and neck, a quiet murmur – almost purr – in the back of his throat. She relaxed into his touch, her body expanding, accepting. The point of tension in her abdomen reasserted itself, her heart once again fluttering with anticipation.

For what? She had no real idea…only that it was reckless, this pleasure she felt.

Her hands continued their lazy journey, finding easy access to his stomach, moving up over the cords of muscle to his chest, the contrast of warm skin at her palm, to soft, cool cotton on the backs of her fingers…

His hair brushed across her cheek, and she had another stupid mental image, of him leaning over a book, his face hidden behind the silver curtain. He was only ever like that when he was completely engrossed…and that made her smile like an idiot.

She became aware that he was moving against her, his hands riding high on her torso, fingers digging into the soft flesh of her back. Her hands grasped him in a similar manner, palms against his ribcage, and she swore she felt his blood rush against her palms.

The tension in her abdomen was awful, to the point of physical pain. She furrowed her brow, uncomfortable but not knowing how to help the situation. She whimpered, turning her hands inward, pressing her nails into his sides, trying to get his attention.

“Got it,” he whispered, his hands underneath her hips, bringing her even further off the floor, and she felt like she was going to lose her balance, even as she lay prone. It was enough, though; that slight movement of her body was enough to make the point of tension shatter into a thousand tiny pieces. A wave of relief and happiness and absolute relaxation washed over her; she let go of him completely, her arms falling out to her sides, her mouth curling into a satisfied smile.

“Tease,” he muttered, which made her giggle.

She put her arms around his neck again, happily running her fingers through his beautiful hair. “I love your hair,” she whispered, her voice thick to her own ears. She felt – rather than heard – him laugh, making her wonder for a moment, just what was so funny?

As the rush of pure pleasure began to fade, she felt the full impact of his body against her. He gave her a sloppy smile, wrapping his arms around her and kissing her. She responded in kind, running her tongue over his lips, barely able to keep her eyes open.

The heady scent of him filled her nostrils, and she wondered…how could she ever give this up? Why could she not live in this moment for the rest of her life?

A buzzing sound captured her attention sometime later; reluctantly, she forced her eyes open. She stared at the underside of the library table in confusion, wondering just what she was doing there…then it came crashing back.

The storm.

The confession.

The kiss that had started it all.

 _Oh, God._ Her heart lurched. What had she done?

“Kagome.” Inuyasha stirred, bringing his lips to her cheek. “Are you okay?”

She clutched him with all her might, pressing her face into his shoulder, inhaling the scent of him, of them, trying to press it to her memory. _I will not cry…I_ will not _cry_. Her embrace tightened around him, even as he lay atop her. _I will not let him go._

~*~

_…tomorrow, we’re back to being friends…_

“…and that’s the moral of the story,” Inuyasha concluded. “Love worth having, is love worth fighting for.”

Their classmates applauded politely as Kagome and Inuyasha returned to their seats. Beyond a small nod, an acknowledgement of mutual accomplishment, they didn’t look at each other. They sat through the rest of the class, listening to the other presentations, participating in the discussion lead by the teacher. It seemed they all found different, interesting, and yet evocative tales to share, and the unit, on the whole, was quite successful.

Kagome looked at the ring on her finger, watched the band play prettily in the light from the far window. Ever since that fateful night, she’d felt empty inside. Not only literally (now she knew what she was missing), but figuratively. One night with Inuyasha, the cap of a three-week stint in his presence, had shown her just how empty and unfulfilling her life was.

She had no one to blame but herself, of course. But, she had lived her life the best way she knew how. Good Girl was a role she could wear with ease and comfort, and it had gotten her quite far in life. She was so close to achieving all of her dreams…

…she hazarded a look to her right, glancing at Inuyasha under her eyelashes.

How could she thank him, for all that he’d done for her? How could she live her life without the passion he’d shown her? Would she have to? Would they drift apart, even though they were irrevocably linked together now?

The final bell rang, signaling the end of class. All around them, people bustled about, chatting and laughing and leaving the room. Kagome could only sit there, glued to her seat, staring at the ring that branded her.

This wasn’t supposed to happen.

The teacher left after the hustle of students, leaving the two of them alone in the empty classroom. Inuyasha slowly stood and gathered his belongings, throwing his backpack across his shoulders with ease. Kagome didn’t look at him; she didn’t need to. Her body thrummed at his closeness.

Something clinked against the lacquered wooden desktop in front of her. She blinked, focusing on the object with a mixture of surprise and fear. It was a Shikon Jewel keychain, one like her grandfather hawked, but there was something…different about it. She picked it up, letting the cool stone roll between her fingers…and she saw it.

Glints of gold and silver winked in the sunlight. The ‘Sunset Shrine’ tag had been embossed, the English letters traded for Japanese characters. On the opposite side, tiny silver characters spelled out her name.

“I had them made up for us,” Inuyasha said quietly. She looked up to see him standing beside her desk. “As sort of a ‘saying goodbye’ present. You know, for the project.”

She stood up as well, cradling the trinket in the palm of her hands. “Thank you.”

He shrugged. “I should probably be thanking you,” he replied. “It’s the first time I’ve ever gotten an A on a school project.”

She smiled, but shook her head all the same. “No, thank _you_. For… _everything_.” A traitorous blush stalked the back of her neck, but she forged on. “I’m not afraid of thunderstorms anymore.”

He chuckled. “That’s good to hear.”

Her cheeks glowed as memories washed through her mind. “I know we agreed – no regrets – but…I do have one.”

He swallowed convulsively. “And what’s that?” he asked quietly.

She couldn’t resist reaching for his hair one last time, letting the cascade of silver fall through her fingers. “That I can never have you again,” she replied.

Something wicked curved his mouth as he returned the slight caress. “Never say never,” he chided. His free hand curled over hers, where she held the Shikon Jewel. A slow wave of heat permeated the air at the touch, swirling around her body, tempting her…

The moment was shattered with a hesitant knock on the classroom door. “Kagome? Is everything okay?” Hojo’s head appeared, concern radiating from his face.

Kagome sighed as she faced him. “Everything’s fine,” she replied with false cheer. “I was just saying goodbye to Inuyasha.”

She returned her attention to her ex-partner, smiling sadly as he released her hands. “Goodbye,” she said. She felt the finality of the word as well; no matter what she desired, this was the Right Thing to do. She had come too far, worked too hard, to throw everything away now.

Passion was dangerous. Grand passion was addicting. Emotions wouldn’t get her into medical school, help her land a good job, or advance her career. She’d go back to being as she was before. Steady. Safe. Solid. Practical.

Inuyasha watched the conflicting sentiments flutter across her expression. “Goodbye for now, Kagome. I’ll see you around sometime, yeah?” He gave her shoulder one last squeeze before turning away…heading out the door…out of her life…


	2. Interlude: The Reason

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He came for the dress. He stayed for the promise.

~*~

This wasn’t supposed to happen.

He was Inuyasha Tashiro! He had big plans for his life; he had better things to do than worry about all this high school bullshit. 13 years he’d be subjected to the scorn of his peers – for being different, for being a loner, for being _himself_ – and he was _so close_ to escaping it. Two more months, and he’d be free of this prison, his own personal hell.

This wasn’t supposed to happen.

It was another inane homework project, which his history teacher seemed fond of assigning. The scope of freedom was nice, for a change; he didn’t mind having to put forth the effort if he was investigating something interesting. Best of all, he was paired with Miss Perfect, Miss Never-Less-Than-the-Best-Mark-that-Screws-up-the-Rest-of-the-Curve, Kagome Higurashi herself! So, he was destined to have a good mark before he graduated, after all!

Sweet.

He enjoyed their time together, working on said project. She was fun to tease and easy to flirt with…especially when she lost the plot and flirted back. Someone who commanded the social stratosphere as she did usually _knew_ it, never bothering to look down their nose at someone as ‘lowly’ as him. She wasn’t pretentious in the least, and seemed genuinely interested in his ideas.

He didn’t know what brought it on; why he felt compelled to comfort her in the middle of a raging thunderstorm (didn’t she have a boyfriend for just that reason?), or why he let it go as far as it did. He’d never much been interested in romantic relationships with girls his own age – after all, the alternative music crowd generally skewed a bit higher on the age demographic – but he was pretty powerless to resist when she threw herself in his lap under the library table.

Or maybe that’s just what he told himself?

He could sense it: her fear, her desperation, her longing…for him. It kinda blew his mind, truth be told, how someone like _her_ could be interested in someone like _him_. They were from completely different worlds, rarely crossing paths in the last six years. If they hadn’t been partnered on this project, would they have ever exchanged more than passing pleasantries?

But, he wasn’t one to question fate.

He lived his life in his own way; what happened between them was exactly that – between _them_. He wouldn’t have done it if he hadn’t wanted to. In that moment, the chemistry was right. They connected on some level beyond mere physicality, and it was quite precious to him. He knew he’d not easily forget such an encounter.

This wasn’t supposed to happen.

He wasn’t supposed to take her virginity.

He wasn’t sure how he felt about that, either. On the one hand – what an ego boost! On the other – holy shit, she had a boyfriend. A _long-term_ boyfriend, a nice, safe, decent guy she’d probably end up marrying. He felt like the ultimate prick when he thought of it that way…

So he didn’t.

And that was the end. Their project was finished. They got an A. She turned to him that day after class and stroked his hair and told him goodbye. Did she know what she was saying? He suspected so. She was a Somebody in this little microcosm, whereas he was decidedly a Nobody. He could see the indecision in her eyes as she stared up at him, the slight exasperation as her boyfriend interrupted their moment. 

She was afraid, and she was going back to her ‘old’ self. She was going back to being Miss Perfect, a stodgy, responsible girl who knew her place, her path, her plan.

Not that he could blame her; he had plans of his own. He wasn’t disappointed that she didn’t turn away from her life for him; frankly, he would’ve been upset if she _had_ done that. She was her own person, and he could respect that.

But he didn’t say good-bye; he couldn’t. Something held him back from saying those final words.

The reason why hit him a few days later.

This wasn’t supposed to happen.

He wasn’t supposed to fall in love with her.

~*~

_…when tears are in your eyes I will dry them all…_

Miroku was going to give him _such_ hell for this.

He could hardly believe he was here, either; after all, hadn’t it been him that proclaimed proms were nothing more than “social herding exercises”? Not two weeks earlier, no less? And yet, here he was, drawn like a moth to a flame, a curious cat to a rocking chair.

Yes, he deserved every bit of ribbing that was coming his way, especially if he ran into his perverted friend.

Inuyasha ducked into the ballroom of the exclusive Imperial Hotel, a sprawling complex of a building that was originally commissioned to be the first European-style hotel in the city. Only by the grace of God – and the lubrication of the property owners’ hands by some of the school’s more ‘elite’ families – was the class able to score one of the ballrooms.

It was appropriate, really; a Western-themed venue for a Western-styled event.

The room was decorated in shades of blues and silvers; the theme was some sort of strange cross between “Under the Sea” and “Space Exploration”, if the favors were anything to go by. Just standing there made Inuyasha want to puke, but he told himself he wouldn’t have to stay for very long. He had only come for one very specific reason, a curiosity that could be satisfied with a mere glance, and then he was free to run screaming in the opposite direction.

He wandered along the fringe of the crowd of classmates that had already gathered; the night was still young, and couples were streaming in the doors at a steady pace. He was content to stay in the shadows and observe. Surely, she would be here by now…

It was stupid, his reason for wanting to come here. Really, when the hell was any decent guy _ever_ interested in a girl’s frilly, formal dress? Maybe at his own wedding, _maybe_ , but otherwise? Unless the guy was intending to wear one himself, there seemed to be little point…

…but he couldn’t help to overhear her conversation with her three best girlfriends that day at school, where they were all gushing about this amazing dress she was having custom-made just for this event. Senior Prom was apparently Serious Business, for those in the know. He would’ve just dismissed it as fashionable girl talk, but the more they went on about it, the more curious he became. He’d never really seen her out of her school uniform (quite the amazing feat, considering their history), but the dress sounded pretty enticing. Form fitting, spaghetti straps, possibly silvery?

Oh, hell yes. This he had to see.

He moved on silent feet, dodging the knots of people clustered against the walls. After completing a turn around the expansive room, he was ready to give up. He hadn’t seen her, and he was growing increasingly annoyed by the theme, the music, the snide conversation of his classmates, which filled his senses to capacity. He’d been there all of fifteen minutes and was ready to leave. How the hell could they stand it for two or three _hours_?!

Just as he was about to say, “fuck it,” and leave…she arrived. His heart literally skipped a beat as she walked through the door, a vision in ice blue. Her smile was as radiant as her dress, which was indeed as promised (mostly): a long, sparkling concoction with a fitted bodice, sweetheart neckline, and thin straps that sat elegantly on her shoulders. Her hair was piled atop her head in some sort of complicated hairstyle, adorned with silver combs.

Inuyasha’s mouth went dry as he stared, the rest of the room falling silent around him. He had no words for it: she was absolutely…exquisitely…stunningly… _breathtaking_.

And so far away from being his that it was painful.

Not until that moment in time did he admit to himself just how hard he’d fallen for her. Their project was in the past – they’d barely spoken to each other beyond simple ‘hellos’ since. They didn’t travel in the same circles at all, but she’d always been there, in the back of his mind, an integral part of one of his fondest memories. 

She was out of his league – he knew it, accepted it, didn’t really much care about it – until now.

Something snapped within him as he stood there, watching her sweet, steady boyfriend enfold her in his arms and lead her away, further into the crowd, into their social strata. Memories of that night washed over him as something akin to possessiveness coursed through his veins. He wanted her –

– _she’d wanted him, kissed him, begged for him, held him tightly, cried when torn away from him_ – 

– he wanted her, and he couldn’t have her. He’d lost his chance…or did he ever really have one in the first place?

His chest constricted, his heart pounding painfully against his ribcage. He clenched his teeth and his fists, willing himself to calm down enough to leave. He’d done what he came here to do.

This wasn’t supposed to happen.

He stepped out into the cool night air, taking a few grateful breaths. He had every intention of leaving this scene, but something held him in place. He wandered through the alley behind the main building of the hotel, trying to sort out his feelings. He regretted it – coming here – but all the same, he didn’t. He didn’t begrudge her happiness or success or love…mostly, he just wished he could’ve been a part of it instead of on the outside, looking in.

He didn’t know how long he lingered there, trying to clear his head. As he made the slow turn back toward the door of the ballroom – he stopped.

Kagome leaned against the wall near the door, her face in her hands, her shoulders shaking slightly.

He could only stare at her, not believing his eyes, his mind racing as it sorted possibilities. Why was she standing there? Alone? What could’ve possibly happened to melt her radiant smile into a pool of tears?

Slowly, he walked towards her, uncertain what – if anything – he could say in comfort.

She glanced up as he approached, wiping her tears away as she straightened. “Inuyasha,” she whispered, licking her lips. “What are you doing here?”

He dropped a small smile. “We have to stop meeting like this,” he replied, putting a hand on her shoulder.

She looked down again, folding her arms across her chest. She didn’t seem inclined to say anything, and he felt no urge to push her, to find out why she was outside. 

Crying. 

_Alone._

His arm slipped around her shoulders, and she fell against him, tears still trickling down her cheeks. He felt her hands drift down to his waist, which made him tighten his own embrace.

“I’ve made a mess of it,” she said a moment later, glancing up. “This wasn’t supposed to happen.”

He laughed softly. “Yeah, well, it _did_ happen,” he replied. “So, what are you going to do about it?”

She laid her head against his shoulder. “I don’t know,” she sighed.

He simply held her, realizing – this was her decision. She was back on that precipice, looking over the edge of her own life, teetering on the brink of a life-altering decision. Maybe it would include him, maybe it wouldn’t. He knew what he wanted…could she say the same thing?

A light drizzle began to fall, interrupting their serene moment. She pulled away suddenly, turning, reaching for the door – 

She glanced back at him as she stepped inside, her expression telling him what she couldn’t say out loud, giving his heart another reason to gallop in his chest. “Thanks for not saying goodbye,” she said, the door closing, cutting her off from him once again. 

“Thanks for giving me a reason to come tonight,” he replied with a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyric from “[Bridge Over Troubled Water](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GYKJuDxYr3I)” © 1969 Paul Simon


	3. Sequel:  Good Girls Don't

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a long list of things that Good Girls Don't Do.

~*~

This wasn’t supposed to happen.

She was Kagome Higurashi! She was the very definition of Good Girl, and there was a long list of things that Good Girls Don’t Do:

They don’t cheat on their boyfriends.

_(They are very loyal to their loved ones.)_

They don’t harbor lust-filled fantasies for anyone, especially not boys who aren’t their boyfriends.

_(They are intensely loyal to their loved ones.)_

And they certainly don’t wake up, soaked in sweat, hands buried between their thighs, aching for the exquisite release only ever achieved once before, with a boy who wasn’t their boyfriend.

This wasn’t supposed to happen.

She was safe, solid, practical. She had big dreams to achieve, dreams that required her utmost attention, determination, motivation. Okay, so maybe they weren’t _her_ dreams so much as dreams others had for her, but wasn’t that enough? She was exceptionally talented, and it was her duty to put those talents to their best viable use.

Right?

She’d always thought so. But that was before she encountered _him_. 

It was supposed to be just another school project, but it turned into so much more. As they investigated the legend of a determined hanyou, his tragic priestess, and the destiny that entwined them in battle with malevolent evil, she found herself becoming fascinated with him, glimpsing into a life so different from her own – one filled with passion, and chaos, and excitement. She tried in vain to push these new, troubling thoughts aside, but found that she couldn’t.

And that’s when it happened: the culmination of desire, curiosity, and fear. In the heat of the moment, she had given herself to him, and experienced a passion beyond her wildest dreams.

…and it scared her, jolting her back to reality, reminding her of her place, her path, her plan. None of these things included him, or the passion he evoked in her, or the longing she felt as a result of their inevitable parting. 

_No regrets_ , he told her.

Yes, leaving him – _them_ – in the past was the Right Thing to Do, if she wanted to move forward with her life. And she did, because she had too much at stake to give it all up now. Good Girl was a role she could wear comfortably, mindlessly.

Numbly.

Because questioning the content at the very core of her being wasn’t something she was ever supposed to do.

That’s why…this wasn’t supposed to happen.

~*~

_…what I need is all around me…_

“Oh, Mama,” Kagome breathed, tentatively touching the material that enveloped her. “I feel like a princess.”

She could hardly believe this dress was hers, even though her mother had been slaving away on it for weeks now. The material, a light shade of blue, was soft and silky, draping over her figure in a modest but flattering cut. The bodice was hand-beaded, tiny pearls and crystals appearing to float magically over the contrasting white background. A light overlay of tulle on the bottom portion made the skirt swish and swirl over her legs.

Her mother looked up at her from where she was finishing the hem. “I can hardly believe my little girl is grown-up enough to need such a beautiful dress,” she murmured wistfully as she pulled the last of the stitches through. She stood, helping Kagome down from the small stool, and began to brush her daughter’s hair.

Kagome smiled at her mother in the mirror, standing as straight and still as possible. It had been a long time since they’d engaged in this ritual, but it was just what she needed to calm the nervous butterflies in her stomach. _I can’t believe it’s time for prom_ , she thought silently. _Where has this year gone?_

If she tried to think back on her year in full, it was a complete blur – a mass of happiness, trepidation, hope…until recently, she didn’t know she could even feel those sorts of emotions. She’d always been in control of herself and her life – until she met _him_.

“Kagome!”

The excited rush of her name broke her from her dangerous thoughts. She turned her head slightly to see her grandfather clambering into the room. “This just came for you in the mail!” he said, thrusting a small packet in her hands. “It’s from the University of Tokyo!”

All other movement in the room ceased as Kagome accepted the package, her fingers shaking slightly. She’d been waiting for this letter for the duration of the spring term: the University of Tokyo’s medical program was the best in the city, and it was her top choice. She’d already been accepted everywhere else she’d applied, but everyone was holding out hope that she’d receive confirmation to this one.

She glanced at her grandfather, then her mother, before focusing on the package once again. This was it: this letter would make or break her dreams, validate or scrap the hard work to which she’d devoted her entire life up to this point. With slight trepidation, she broke the seal and removed the contents of the envelope.

_“To: Higurashi Kagome_

_We are pleased to have received all materials related to your application for a position within an undergraduate program at the University of Tokyo._

_After careful review of your application, we extend to you a place in the degree program of the Faculty of Medicine…”_

Her eyes blurred as they raced across the page. “I got in,” she whispered incredulously. Only the very best of the very best, from the top high schools in the country, received entry into this exclusive program. “ _I got in_!”

Two sets of arms embraced her, hugging her tightly, proudly. “Congratulations, dear!” her mother sighed, plucking the paper from her hands and reading it over. “This is such a fantastic achievement!”

“My granddaughter’s going to medical school!” her grandfather crowed happily, twirling her around the room.

Kagome couldn’t help but laugh as the room spun around her. She was incredibly excited, happy that her family was so thrilled, but most of all, she felt as if a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. _I did it_ , she thought giddily. _All that hard work…and I accomplished exactly what I set out to do!_ Relief flooded over her. For the first time in a long time, she felt like she could breathe easier.

Good Girls don’t let their families down: they exceed their expectations whenever possible.

The doorbell rang, echoing through the house, and the trio stopped in their tracks. 

“Oh, dear, is that Hojo already?” her mother asked, glancing furtively at the door. “Jii-chan, be a dear and keep him distracted for a few minutes while we finish up here.” She pulled Kagome from his embrace. “She has to make an entrance, after all!”

The atmosphere settled again as her grandfather left the room and her mother made last-minute adjustments to her dress. Kagome stared at her reflection in the mirror, wondering if her relief was palpable, even as she fought to school her features in a blissful expression.

“You’re going to knock his socks off,” her mother said as she finished dressing her hair, pinning the last silver comb in place. She took a step back, glancing at her daughter’s full-length reflection in the mirror. “My little princess…I hope this night is everything you ever wanted, and more. There’s no one more deserving!”

Kagome smiled and blushed at her mother’s compliments, pushing niggling doubts from the back of her mind. _Its prom, and I’m going with my wonderful boyfriend, and I’ve just been accepted into university_ , she told herself. _What more could I possibly want?_

~*~

_…what I want is what I’ve not got…_

Kagome stepped out into the cool night air, taking a deep, grateful breath. The heavy exit door swung silently back into place, and she pressed her back against the brick wall of the building. She sighed, closing her eyes, running her hands across her forehead, down her cheeks. Gingerly, she reached up, plucking the jewel-encrusted tiara from her head, careful to minimize the damage to her sophisticated hairstyle.

She just needed a minute, she told herself, taking another deep breath. A minute away from the insanity, and she’d have control once again.

The ballroom of the Imperial Hotel was absolutely gorgeous, and the party was in full swing by the time she and Hojo had arrived. Her heart soared with pride as she glanced around the room, ecstatic to see the hard work she and the rest of the prom committee had put in paying such great dividends. _“Some Enchanted Evening”_ was their chosen theme, and it had been executed to perfection. Swathes of blue and silver covered the walls, the tables, the chairs; a light champagne punch sparkled in the keepsake glasses, and various dainty finger foods were on offer at the buffet. The dance floor was mirrored, backlit in smoky blue, set in high relief against the stage where the band was playing. They’d managed to hire both a smooth jazz band _and_ a DJ, something to everyone’s musical tastes.

The crowd of classmates had welcomed them upon arrival, and she and Hojo had dutifully made the rounds, greeting everyone, complimenting dresses and jewelry, making small talk among their friends. She was still riding the wave of accomplishment from getting into university, and for once didn’t mind the stares of her peers – at her dress, at her date, at the picture of cozy happiness they exuded. Yet as the night waned on, she found her gaze drifting into the crowd, searching out the dark corners, seeking a glimpse of silver hair or amber eyes. The idea that _he_ might be there, looking at her, appreciating her in something other than a school uniform sent a secret thrill down her spine.

Then, suddenly, it was time to crown the king and queen, and she was swept out of the anonymity of the crowd and onto the stage. She took the opportunity to openly search for his face among her classmates, and felt a twinge of disappointment to note he wasn’t there after all. During her first dance with her king – Hojo, of course – she tried to push these thoughts from her mind, but found the empty ache in the pit of her stomach wouldn’t ease.

 _What am I doing_ , she chastised herself as they swayed across the empty dance floor. _I’m here with Hojo. He’s my boyfriend, and he always has been. Inuyasha is nothing more than a sweet memory, buried in the past._

Yet the more she tried to convince herself of this, the heavier her heart became, and the worse she felt. Tears began to well behind her eyes, and it was all she could do to excuse herself politely – without arousing suspicion – before these emotions got the best of her.

She leaned against the cool brick wall in the alley outside the hotel, wrapping her arms around herself. _Why do I feel this way?_ she wondered. _It’s been weeks. We’ve hardly spoken to each other since that night, and yet…God, I can’t stop thinking about it, and him, and wondering what it’d be like to let myself go..._

The passion he’d tapped into that night was exhilarating, but it was also scary. She’d never felt emotions so deeply, never had them touch her life so strongly. She’d prided herself on her ability to control and order the world around her, but with this – he’d unleashed a monster, one she couldn’t tame. She found herself lying awake at night, her hands wandering across her body, aching to find the same sort of release he’d given her...and feeling guilty about it all the same.

Tears seeped from the corners of her eyes, and her shoulders began to shake slightly. For a moment, she indulged in this secret pain, the longing for Inuyasha she usually kept locked away so tightly, denying it even to herself. The hollow ache spread throughout her chest – raw, ravaging, irritating, frustrating. Hoping to see him…and yet, knowing this wasn’t his scene. He’d rather die than be seen at a school-organized social function.

Her heart stopped as she heard footsteps approaching, and she quickly pushed up, clamping down on her emotions, wiping the tears from her eyes. She glanced up, stopping mid-movement as she realized who was coming toward her.

“Inuyasha,” she said abruptly, her breath shuttering in her lungs as she fought to control the wave of surprise that crashed over her. She licked her lips nervously. “What are you doing here?”

“We have to stop meeting like this,” he mused, smiling softly, reaching out to touch her shoulder. Curls of electric tension shot through her body as his hand brushed across her bare skin.

She looked down, unable to formulate coherent thoughts under the flurry of emotions that rolled through her. Her tears continued to fall, though perhaps no longer mediated by pain alone...

He didn’t speak, merely standing beside her for a long moment, before sweeping her into a silent embrace. Her head fell against his chest, her arms circled his waist, and she let herself fall into him, losing herself in his arms. He stood firm, his hold tight, the rise and fall of his chest steady and even under her cheek. She felt the gentle pressure of his arms around her, the tilt of his head against hers, and her heart broke: pent-up pain, passion, and confusion flooded forth.

“I’ve made a mess of it,” she sighed, her words slightly muffled against the fabric of his shirt. She glanced up slightly, catching sight of the small, grim smile that graced his face in response. “This wasn’t supposed to happen.”

“Yeah, well, it _did_ happen,” he replied with a soft laugh. “So, what are you going to do about it?”

She closed her eyes again, breathing in the heavenly scent that clung to him. It was impossible to deny how much she’d missed this – being so close to him – now that she was in his arms once again. Her body began to thrum with anticipation, her mind racing with reckless thoughts and wild impulses. Her hands linked together behind his back, her fingers brushing against the platinum band on her left hand, and reality set in once again. 

This wasn’t supposed to happen. 

They were from two different worlds.

She belonged to another. Her heart was not free.

“I don’t know,” she finally said, choking back another wave of tears. For the first time in her life, what she _had_ and what she _wanted_ were completely at odds with each other. She knew, logically, that she should be perfectly content with the life she was currently leading. She was on the path to greatness, one for which she had been groomed all her life.

But her heart yearned to be free, to indulge in wild passion as he did so easily, to feel with the intensity that seemed to come naturally to him. Such passion was dangerous, but now that she’d experienced it, she craved it once more.

So perhaps the question was…was she strong enough to fight for what she wanted, or was she merely content to settle for what she already had?

 _“Love worth having is love worth fighting for.”_ The concluding words from their history project rammed back into her mind. Yes, hadn’t that been the moral of the story? Hadn’t the hanyou fought with all his soul – heart and mind – to preserve the memory of the love he’d held for the priestess? Wasn’t that the driving force of his quest, to find and destroy the one who’d killed her?

 _Does he think I’m worth fighting for?_ Kagome wondered, her eyes adjusting in the darkness of the alley. She gave him an experimental squeeze, allowing her fingers to dig into the smooth planes of his back, pressing herself lightly against him. Her reward was an incremental strengthening of his embrace, as if he didn’t want to let her go just yet…

As if...there was no place else he’d rather be.

A light drizzle of rain began to fall, and she pulled away blindly, turning to reach for the handle of the door. Her stomach turned over on itself as the realization burned clear behind her eyes. It didn’t matter what she thought, how much her brain objected to what her heart knew was right.

Being in Inuyasha’s arms just now, she felt like there was no place on earth she’d rather be. For one small, reckless moment, she knew – immediately, innately – that she could be comfortable and happy, no matter where she was in the world, if she was with him. The feeling was overwhelming, strangely calming, as if the decision had been made _for_ her.

She glanced back at him as the door slowly began to close, hoping to tell him with her eyes what she could not give voice. “Thanks for not saying goodbye,” she said quietly as he began to disappear from her line of vision. _Wait for me_ , she pleaded silently.

The hint of a smile rose to his lips before he was closed out of her life once again, and that was all the assurance she needed.

~*~

_…and you weep because it’s over…_

The party was winding down as Kagome stepped back into the lavish ballroom. She took a deep breath, willing her nerves to calm, her head to clear, her body to cease its incessant throbbing. The encounter with Inuyasha had given her the courage, and now she had to act on it, before her nerve failed.

 _Maybe all I needed was another chance_ , she thought to herself as her gaze moved around the room. _I needed to feel it again, to see if there was truly anything between us, or if it was merely the heat of the moment._ If anything, her desire for him was even stronger than before, even in the absence of sexual intimacy. It _felt right_ to be with him…more right than she’d ever felt being with Hojo.

Her eyes landed upon her boyfriend, and her heart began to fill with dread. _I don’t want to hurt him_ , she thought as he made his way over to her. _He’s been so good to me. But he deserves better than this…we both do._

There was a flutter of movement around her as her trio of best girlfriends suddenly surrounded her. “Good luck, Kagome,” Eri sighed, squeezing her hands as Yuka pulled the tiara away for safe-keeping.

“Yeah, I’m jealous,” the girl murmured, her eyes full of excitement.

“We want details!” Ayumi added, giving her a quick hug and pushing her forward, toward Hojo.

“What are you talking about?” Kagome hissed, turning to face her friends, whose identical Cheshire-cat grins made her feel suddenly wary.

“Are you ready to go?” Hojo asked, capturing her attention with a light kiss on the cheek.

Kagome smiled up at him, forcing herself to be calm, even as dread and fear worked on her insides. “Sure,” she murmured in reply, taking his arm.

She contemplated ways to bring up quite possibly the worst subject of all, only to realize a beat too late that they had stepped into an elevator in the lobby instead of leaving the building completely. She glanced around, perplexed. “Where are we going?” she asked.

Hojo gave her a coy smile. “It’s a surprise,” he replied, wrapping his arms around her, leaning close for a kiss. “I hope you like it.”

Kagome’s heart began to race as the fog of her mind cleared. _Surely…surely he’s not planning?_

The lift came to a halt on the sixteenth floor, and Hojo led the way, down the opulent hallway, to a suite of rooms at the end. He reached inside the coat of his tux and pulled out a room key, busying himself with the lock as Kagome stood beside him, her eyes wide with surprise.

He pushed the door open, revealing a stunningly posh room. Off to one side was a full-sized master bath; to the other was a combined kitchen/living area, but straight ahead – and she could only look straight ahead – was a gigantic, canopied bed, strewn with rose petals. The large plate-glass window behind it washed the room in soft light, illuminated by the cityscape.

“Surprise,” he said softly, guiding her into the room, letting the door slip into the frame behind them. 

_Oh, my God_ , Kagome thought, her gut clenching with dismay. She could read the script well enough to see what was coming next.

“Kagome,” Hojo said softly, lowering his mouth to hers. “Will you spend the night with me?”

She yielded to his kiss, trying to clamp down on her surprise and panic. _Of course_ , she realized, her thoughts piling atop one another in rapid succession. _He wants to sleep with me._ It was the Perfect Way for the Perfect Couple to crown their Perfect Prom. 

This revelation brought other thoughts and emotions to the fore as well. Her mind’s eye filled with memories of _that night_ , touching _him_ , kissing _him_ , being swept up in _him_. Her skin grew warm with the remembrance, her hands clutching Hojo’s shoulders of their own accord.

She felt his arms tighten around her waist, dragging her closer to him; it was enough to bring her back to reality. She curled her hands into fists and pushed against his shoulders, breaking away slightly. “Hojo, wait,” she breathed, closing her eyes.

His forehead fell against hers. “We don’t have to do anything,” he said softly, caressing her cheek. “If you don’t want to, we won’t.”

She looked up at him, recognizing the naked desire in his eyes, realizing how very much he did want this. _Oh, God_. Her stomach curled, knotting over on itself. He was so gentle, so pleading…he’d done so much for her, been such an attentive, perfect boyfriend…she just couldn’t break him by saying no. _I’m such a cowardly fool_ , she admonished herself, _but dammit, I can’t deny him this._

“It’s okay,” she replied. “I’m just…surprised, is all.”

He kissed her again, letting his hands drift up her back, his fingers looping through the straps of her gown. “Good,” he breathed, a small smile gracing his lips as he began to lead her along the trail of rose petals. “I always wanted our first time together to be like this.”

She couldn’t look him in the eye, so she settled for kissing him, willing her heart not to shatter. _I don’t love you anymore_ , she thought, tracing the edge of his bottom lip with her tongue. _I’m not sure if I_ ever _loved you the same way you loved me._ She felt his fingers fumbling at the back of her dress. _But I love you enough to let you have this._

“Heh,” he laughed nervously, moving his mouth away from hers, letting his head fall to her shoulder. “I’m afraid I’m no good at this, sorry.”

She took a deep breath. “Don’t worry about it,” she replied, taking a step away from him. She glanced around the shadowy room, trying to keep her eyes anywhere but on the huge bed that took up most of the space. “Why don’t we just take off our clothes first?”

He frowned. “Kagome, if you don’t want to do this, I’m not going to force you,” he murmured.

She summoned all of her resolve. “I’m just nervous,” she lied. “This is a pretty big step, don’t you think?”

He nodded in agreement. “Yeah,” he admitted, tweaking the cuffs of his sleeves, suddenly looking very unsure of himself, and far younger than his eighteen years.

“I want this,” she assured him, even as she slipped further into the shadows.

“Okay,” he said, releasing a long breath. “Then let’s…do this.” He began to disrobe. 

Kagome turned her back to him, unable to watch, her hands rising to the straps of her gown with shaking fingers. _He deserves this bit of happiness_ , she told herself as she undressed. The gown pooled at her feet in a soft wisp of satin and tulle, and she shivered for a moment in her slip before removing it as well.

A warm hand shifted over her shoulder. “Kagome?”

She turned in his arms, squeezing her eyes shut as she launched herself at him, pressing her mouth to his in a hard kiss. She felt his surprise, his shoulders shuddering under the sheer force of her embrace. They continued to kiss as they fumbled toward the bed, landing in an inelegant pile. Again, they had to separate themselves, allowing reality to creep into the fantasy for a moment, as they adjusted their positions.

Kagome encouraged him as best she could, assuring him he wasn’t hurting her, reacting as she imagined she should. They had never engaged in so much as heavy petting before: each sweep of a hand or trail of the mouth was new territory to explore. She was glad for the cloak of darkness, happy to not bear witness to this gawky, groping union. She held her eyes open the entire time, utterly afraid that if she closed them, she would remember her _real_ first time… _passion clawing at her gut, threatening to consume her, desire brimming over as she rocked beneath him…_

This was nice. Being with Hojo was…nice. He was just as inexperienced as she, but he was trying so hard to please her. _Ironic_ , she thought, _considering I’m doing the exact same thing for him…_

It was awkward and clumsy and a bit embarrassing, but finally, he penetrated her. She relaxed around him, clutching his shoulders as his rhythm began, biting the inside of her lips and concentrating on not crying. She wanted to lose herself to the sensation of it all, to enjoy it as she was supposed to...

Good Girls don’t disappoint their boyfriends: even losing their virginity happens in a Perfect Moment.

It seemed interminable…but finally, he fell heavily against her, huffing hotly in her ear, his chest rising and falling against hers. She felt his arms move around her once more, his mouth finding hers in a sweet, grateful kiss. “I love you,” he whispered, snuggling close, pressing her down into the soft mattress.

She closed her eyes then, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. She couldn’t reply, lest she completely fall apart. She hoped those gestures were enough…

Eventually he rolled off of her, curling beside her in sleep. She looked at him for a long time, quietly sweeping his bangs away from his face, so angelic in the reflected light of the city. When she was sure he was sleeping soundly, she slipped from the bed, moving on silent feet toward the master bath.

She flipped the light switch, closing her eyes against the harsh glare, reaching blindly for the taps of the shower. Slowly, her eyes adjusted to the light. After a few minutes, she stepped into the bathtub, moving under the spray, allowing it to wash over her in a flood of warm water.

She slid down to the floor of the tub, her arms curling over her knees, tears spilling down her cheeks. Her heart broke into a million tiny pieces as she sat there. She struggled – and failed – to contain her sobs, her body shuddering as gasps and wails stuttered out.

Her heart was broken, her stomach was nauseated, her body was sticky, sore, and still aching for release. She tried to concentrate on these physical sensations, but her thoughts continued to drift away from her. She thought she’d known the sting of regret before now, but no.

 _This_ was true regret. 

She never should have let it come this far. Hadn’t she just decided that she wanted to break up with Hojo? That it wasn’t fair to string him along when she was increasingly unsure of how she felt about him?

And yet, hadn’t she done _just that_? 

All the while knowing…

…she was going to break his heart, and there was no way she could do it softly, easily. 

Not now. Not after this.

The water continued to cascade over her in soft waves. Traitorous desire swirled in her heart as she thought about everything – what she’d just done, her encounter with Inuyasha only a few hours earlier – how her life had completely spun out of control. Even now, as she wept so bitterly with regret, even now, she wanted him so badly.

_I’ve just had sex with someone else, and all I can think about is him._

As her mind filled with memories of her first time all over again, her fingers finished the job that Hojo couldn’t. Even as tears of sorrow continued to flow down her cheeks, she brought herself to release with fleeting memories of another’s touch, taste, scent.

She didn’t know how long she sat there afterward, her breath ragged, her body sore but sated. Somehow, she managed to stand, going through the motions of a proper shower, cleaning herself up with care. She stepped out of the tub, toweling herself dry, wrapping in one of the hotel bathrobes.

She knew that she couldn’t hide in there forever.

As she turned out the light in the bathroom, she was surprised to see Hojo sitting up in the bed, his back to her, his lower half wrapped in one of the bedsheets. He was illuminated by the small bedside lamp, casting a haunting golden glow across his shoulders and back.

“What’s wrong?” he asked flatly as she approached.

She sucked in a breath, her heart thumping wildly in her chest as she stared at his back. _You have to do this_ , she told herself, summoning the strands of her frayed courage.

He turned and looked at her then, his eyes wide with fear. “Tell me, Kagome,” he urged. “Please, I know something’s not right.”

Her heart shattered again as she took in his desperate expression. She rounded the bed and sat beside him, taking one of his hands in hers. She opened her mouth, but didn’t know where to begin. “I’m sorry,” she finally blurted out lamely.

He squeezed her hand. “I’m sorry, too,” he murmured. “I…” He sighed and shrugged his shoulders. “I had hoped this would fix things between us.”

Her heart lurched. Did he also harbor doubts? “W-what?” she choked out, surprised.

He looked at her plainly, his eyes searching hers. “I wanted this evening to bring us closer together,” he said softly, touching her cheek. “It feels like we’ve been drifting apart lately, and I never wanted that to happen.”

“Hojo,” she breathed, pulling away from his caress. “Oh, God, I’m so sorry.” She turned away, guilt gnawing at her, the confession of her infidelity rising up on her tongue.

He spoke first. “No, Kagome,” he said, draping his arms around her shoulders and lowering his head. “It’s not all your fault. I should never have put you in this position.” His breath hitched, but he forged on. “I never want to hear you cry like that again.”

She shuddered in his embrace, tears threatening to fall once more. “It’s not your fault, Hojo,” she replied, smoothing a hand across his back. “You didn’t force me to do anything.”

“God, Kagome,” he continued, as if he hadn’t heard her. “I love you _so much_ – ! I wanted our first time to be special, something we shared together, and I thought – ” He paused, trying to collect himself. “I thought it would be enough to bring us back together, the way we used to be.”

Kagome’s heart beat painfully as she held him, her sweet, devoted boyfriend; the knowledge that she was going to break his heart weighed so heavily upon her. She felt completely, totally rotten, but it was time to be honest. With him.

With herself.

“We can’t save it,” she said. “Sleeping together was never going to fix our relationship.”

He sat back up, his arms sliding away from her. “I know,” he replied shamefully. “It’s broken beyond repair, isn’t it?”

She bit her lips as she looked down at the space between them. “Yes.”

He gave a short, bitter laugh. “Too bad this couldn’t have happened in a few weeks,” he mentioned. “It seems like a shame to break up before we graduate.”

Hesitantly, she reached for his hand once again. “We don’t have to break up _right now_ ,” she mused softly.

His surprise was palpable. “We don’t?”

She finally looked at him, her heart heavy with sorrow. “I’m going to need a few weeks to figure out how to say goodbye to you,” she confessed, giving his hand a gentle squeeze.

He returned the caress. “Me, too,” he murmured, his face drifting close to hers in a soft kiss. It wasn’t a kiss of promise or romance, but of sadness and loss. Their relationship was over, and they both knew it.

Making that fact known to the public, however, was entirely another matter.

~*~

_…six senses keeping five around a sense of self…_

The gentle tick of the clock roused Kagome from her slumber. She blinked as the rays of sunlight hit her eyes, and for a moment, she was confused. She lay in her cocoon of covers, the world dappled pink and orange in the sunrise. As her eyes focused on a point beyond the horizon, the memories of the weekend slowly trickled through the back of her mind.

For the first time in her high school career, she seriously considered skipping school.

She reached to turn off the clock, noting that the she still had a few minutes to spare before the alarm rang. Her hand drifted down to the table, fingers grazing over the platinum band that was the very symbol of all her problems. She picked it up, turning it over in her palm. The prom was only a few days into the past, and yet it seemed as if lifetimes had come and gone since then.

Did she really do it? 

Did she really have that conversation with Hojo? 

Did she really have to say goodbye to something that had defined her existence for the last three years?

Her throat constricted as she laid there, her stomach taking a now-familiar nauseating detour. She hated this feeling, not knowing what she wanted, paralyzed with indecision over her next move. She _knew_ it was right, letting go of Hojo – it wasn’t fair to him to hang on to their tattered relationship just because she was afraid to move on. And yet…

…was she ready for this, to step out of her comfort zone? She’d never relied on her gut to make decisions – she was a very practical person. Her choices had always been laid out before her in a logical fashion, and she’d always taken into account every possible factor – her family, her friends, her society and culture. Such careful decision-making had gotten her where she was today, poised on the brink of a successful, fruitful career.

Was she really willing to throw all that away for the sake of a gut feeling?

She squeezed her eyes shut, pushing past the lump that formed in her throat.

Did she have to?

“Kagome!”

Her mother’s muffled voice brought Kagome back down to earth. She slipped the ring on her finger and sat up in the bed, eyeing her bedroom door.

“Kagome, is everything okay?” her mother asked, knocking softly and peeking into the room. “You’re going to be late for school!”

For a split second, she sat still on the bed, wanting nothing more than to feign illness so she wouldn’t have to go out and face the world. She’d been sick throughout her middle school years, so it wasn’t completely outside the realm of possibility. The words bubbled up on her tongue, but she held them at bay. _No._ Nobody knew what had transpired between her and Hojo – or between her and Inuyasha – and to fake sickness now, only a few weeks before graduation, would do nothing but rouse suspicion.

“I’m fine, Mama,” she murmured, running her fingers through her hair. “I just overslept, I guess.”

Her mother gave her a soft smile. “You’re almost there, don’t give up now,” she replied. “Only a few more weeks and you can relax again…” Her words trailed off as she closed the door, and Kagome heaved a sigh.

 _You have to be strong_ , she told herself. _You can do this._

Yes. She could push back the pain, the insecurity, the nagging guilt and doubt at her sudden change of heart. She could fold it all away, keep it right next to her unspeakable longing for Inuyasha, and she could still be a Good Girl.

~*~

_…I will wait for no one but you…_

Some things were certainly easier said than done.

Kagome slinked into Honors history class, grateful that this horrible day was almost over. She’d never felt so ill-at-ease among her peers as she had today. Then again, she’d also never been so acutely aware of just how shallow and stringent her world really was: seeing the same people, conversing about the same things, making the same empty gestures over and over again. Her life was full, rich, balanced, and yet it held no true value.

It had been impossible to avoid Hojo, of course. 

Things were more awkward than ever between them, of course.

But he gave her a good-morning kiss, and she accepted it with her usual cheer and grace. 

Of course.

Kagome steeled herself in her seat as she waited for the bell to ring. Inuyasha wasn’t there yet, and she wasn’t completely sure she could handle being in his presence in her current state. Her desires were fighting with each other, and it had all conspired to make her a perfect mess – if she actually had to face him, she was quite certain she’d completely fall apart.

The bell rang, and she curled her hands into fists under her desk. During their time together working on their project, she’d become attuned with his movements, and it was at once delicious and frightening. She was always on guard, at her best and brightest, but it was scary, knowing she couldn’t control her primal reaction to him.

“Kagome? You okay?”

 _Oh, God_. A deep flush covered the back of her neck as the semi-amused question fell on her ears. She glanced over her shoulder to see Inuyasha staring at her quizzically, one eyebrow raised slightly.

_I feel like such an idiot._

Was she seriously so afraid of him? Of being unable to control herself when she was around him?

She relaxed as the teacher began to speak, picking up her pencil to take down notes about the final exam. She tried to concentrate on the instructor’s words, but found her focus beginning to wander, seeds of worry and doubt niggling at the back of her mind. Eventually, her eyes were drawn back to Inuyasha, and she gazed at him covertly.

He sat perfectly straight in his seat, his pencil poised over his notebook, his head resting in one hand…his eyes closed, his breath steady, his chest rising and falling in soft rhythm.

 _How does he do it?_ she wondered silently as she studied him. _How is he so…free, so calm in the midst of chaos, so confident in the face of uncertainty?_ Her heart began to ache as she sat there, yearning to be close to him and yet, knowing their worlds were in strict divide. A desperate urge clawed up from the pit of her stomach, followed closely by another tinge of trepidation.

_Am I ready to give up my world for yours? Will I have to, if I want to follow my heart?_

His eyes opened then, and he turned to look at her, capturing her gaze before she could look away. His golden eyes seemed to sparkle with mischief and promise, and his expression softened as he granted her a tantalizing smile.

Her heart fluttered with anticipation as she smiled back at him, feeling her body flush as the visceral memory of their night together ebbed through her mind. For a moment, the haze and uncertainty of her life melted away, and she was overwhelmed with the desire to _feel_ , to soar on the top of her emotions as she had that night, to live dangerously on the fringes of life instead of controlling every aspect of it. Her gut – her heart – was telling her it was right, and, _finally_ , her logic was beginning to falter.

She ultimately looked away, her eyes falling to her notebook, and she redoubled her grip on her pencil. She could do this. If he could give her the time and space to figure out how, she could find her way back to him.

~*~

_“Congratulations, graduates!”_

Kagome expertly maneuvered through the throngs of classmates that crowded the school’s gymnasium. Her spirits were high, her nerves were frazzled, but finally, _finally_ , it was over. The graduation ceremony marked the end of one chapter of her life, and –

– she hoped – 

– the beginning of another.

The last month had passed by in a complete blur. Between final exams and preparing for graduation, she’d barely had time to think about the state of affairs that was her personal life. She decided to make a conscious effort to change herself, to better fit into Inuyasha’s world. She’d taken to wearing the Shikon jewel keychain he’d given her as a memento of their history project, hiding under her uniform blouse on a chain, an unseen yet tacit reminder of her transition. She’d done her best to learn more about his world – the names of his friends, the places he liked to hang out after (or sometimes during) school, the hobbies he was so passionate about.

She was ready: ready to give up her ordered, collected little world and plunge into the depths of his, leaving behind her former identity as Miss Perfect, and hopefully gaining a new one as his Perfect Girl.

No one knew, of course: not her family, or her friends, or even poor, sweet Hojo. She wasn’t one to live dangerously – not yet, at least – and knew this transition would have to be subtle to be complete. Her excitement over the very idea was such that not even Inuyasha’s mysterious absences from the last three weeks of class could discourage her.

She spotted her trio of best girlfriends and headed toward them. Snippets of their conversation reached her ears as she approached. 

“Can you believe it?” Ayumi asked incredulously.

Yuka shook her head. “Not at all! _Inuyasha_ , of all people, getting a full ride at such a prestigious university?!”

Eri snorted. “Seriously, with the way he skipped classes? I guess we shouldn’t be surprised it’s a _music_ program that accepted him.”

Kagome held her tongue at their tart comments. Maybe the arts weren’t considered as “serious” or “academic” as the sciences, but they were certainly no less difficult to master. She swallowed a remark about her friends’ near-failure in art class, opting instead to cut right to the chase. “Have you girls seen Hojo anywhere?” she asked brightly.

“Kagome!” they shrieked, falling upon her in a mass of hugs and congratulations. She returned the gestures, her catty, defensive thoughts dissolving. These girls were her friends, after all: they were honest and sincere, if a little shallow. They had been good to her, and didn’t deserve any of her newfound pettiness.

“I think Hojo was over by the stage, talking to the headmaster,” Ayumi supplied, pointing in the general direction.

“Thanks,” Kagome replied, giving her hands a quick squeeze before disentangling herself from the group. She moved forward with a steady pace, spotting her boyfriend and gliding towards him with false confidence.

Good Girls don’t let anything break their stride: they are experts at going with the flow.

“Hojo,” she called, giving him a slight wave. He looked up, a grim smile settling across his features, and he excused himself from his conversation. 

A knot of dread curled in her stomach as he approached. No matter how much she thought she’d prepared for this moment…now that it was here, she wanted to be anywhere else.

“Are you ready?” he murmured, putting a hand on her shoulder.

“Yeah,” she replied. They exited the crowded gym, rounding a bend in the hallway, ducking into one of the empty classrooms. For a long moment, they could only stand there and stare at each other.

The dynamic between them was distant and awkward; it had been ever since prom. They put on their best show for their friends and classmates, but they hadn’t been out together – on a “real date” – in almost four weeks. She still wore his ring, and he still carried a few small things she’d given him way back in ninth grade.

He pulled out those small mementos now, turning them over in his hands. “Well, what can I say?” he asked, placing each item carefully on the sensei’s desk. “I never thought this day would come.”

Kagome bit her lip, her courage beginning to fail her just like the last time she’d tried to break up with him. Their relationship…it was all so comfortable, so familiar, so… _easy_. They’d been going steady for three years, and they knew each other through and through. Was she really ready to give up this level of comfort – this measure of safety?

“Kagome,” Hojo said, touching her shoulders. “Thank you. Thank you for being there for me, and being such a wonderful girlfriend.” His arms swept over her in a light embrace, tugging her close for the last time.

She was surprised to see the tears lurking behind his eyes as he pulled away, and impulsively she pressed a kiss to his cheek. “It’s me who should be thanking you,” she whispered.

He gave her a sad smile. “If you ever need anything, never hesitate to call,” he urged. “I’ll always be here for you.”

She nodded, looking down at her hands, nervously twirling the ring around her finger. Dread and fear bloomed in her gut as she removed it, letting it fall into his palm. 

Did she know what she was doing?

Did she understand the consequences of her actions?

Was passion worth the loss of security?

“Goodbye, Hojo,” she said, the note of finality echoing through the empty room.

“Goodbye, Kagome,” he replied, turning away…heading out the door…out of her life…

She didn’t know how long she stood there, staring down at the remnants of her former relationship. Finally, she managed to push the fears and doubts away, concentrating instead on the possibilities of her future. She clutched at the jewel around her neck, sweeping away the small twinge of guilt that accompanied the rush of excitement.

She couldn’t wait to find Inuyasha.

She walked out of the classroom, surprised and pleased to spot the object of her desire at the far end of the hallway. Her lips curled into a smile as she set off towards him, anticipation rising in her belly.

_No._

The world seemed to spin to a stop around her. 

Inuyasha stood casually, his eyes lighting up as another girl approached him. She jumped into his arms and he twirled her around, his laughter bright, his happiness at her presence painfully obvious.

_Oh, God._

Kagome’s heart fell to the lower reaches of her stomach, her mind racing with traitorous, treacherous thoughts – could it be?

He didn’t wait for her?

The sight before her seemed to confirm her fears.

“Oh, my God,” Eri gasped as she caught full sight of Kagome, standing alone in the hall. “What happened?”

Yuki and Ayumi gave her fearful, concerned looks as they huddled around her. “Did something happen between you and Hojo?”

Kagome walked past her friends, not wanting them to see her face as the words finally caught up with the emotions. “We broke up,” she announced in monotone. _I…I can’t believe it…_

Her mind replayed the horrible scene over and over in her head, and endless loop of Inuyasha catching the other girl in his arms, twirling her around, welcoming her kiss.

_Have I just made the biggest mistake of my life?_

~*~

_…all at once the ghosts come back…_

Kagome gazed out over the middle distance, barely noticing as another sigh escaped her lips.

“Kagome? Is everything okay?” Sota asked, giving his sister a concerned look.

The question seemed to snap her back to reality. “Yeah,” she murmured, fidgeting with the dishes in front of her. Her mother made the most delicious breakfast known to man, but even now she couldn’t stomach very much of it. _What a waste_ , she thought. “May I be excused?”

“Of course, dear,” her mother said.

Kagome gathered her dishes and took them to the sink, absently turning the water on and reaching for the sponge.

“Don’t worry about the dishes, I’ll do them later,” her mother volunteered.

“Thanks,” Kagome murmured. She left the room, Buyo twining between her legs, inquiring for a pet. She smiled softly and bent to comply with the fat cat’s wishes.

“Are you sure we shouldn’t say anything to her, Mama?” Sota’s worried voice drifted out to Kagome’s ears. “She’s never acted like this before, and we’re kinda worried!”

“I’m sure,” came the firm answer from her mother. “She and Hojo were close for three years, and three months isn’t long enough to let a heart heal. We just need to be supportive, and she’ll feel better in her own time.”

“Well, I for one feel that she shouldn’t be locking herself away like this, it’s not doing her any good!” her grandfather pitched in. “She needs to get back out there in the world, meet new people, take her mind off her troubles!”

Buyo purred, rolling over on his back to get his belly rubbed, making it clear that she was not to go anywhere anytime soon. Kagome smiled at the cat, grateful that there was at least one member of the household that didn’t suffocate her with his sympathy.

Oh, she was grateful to her family for being so sensitive to her feelings, but the irony was delicious and bitter. They all thought she was mourning the ‘sudden’ breakup of her relationship with Hojo, when in reality, she was nursing hurt pride and total self-humiliation. She’d never felt more of a fool than that day, three months ago, when she stood in the hall and watched Inuyasha embrace another girl without a second thought. She’d pinned everything on him, the future of her very being, and he’d unknowingly swept it all aside with one innocent gesture. 

She wanted to hate him. She wanted to loathe him, to spite him, to be righteously indignant at his rejection.

But…it wasn’t his fault. Deep down inside, she knew that, and that’s why she couldn’t hold any of it against him.

It was all on _her_ head. She was the one who had made the decision to completely change herself – he hadn’t asked that of her. He hadn’t encouraged her, or led her on, or made false promises. She’d bounced straight from one boy to the other, deluding herself into thinking it was some ‘gut feeling’ telling her to do this, to act so recklessly and carelessly.

She’d wrecked her own life, because she was so afraid…afraid of just being herself. Without the labels of others, she was at a loss – she had always been the Good Girl, the Perfect Student, the Gracious Daughter, the Well-Rounded Individual. 

Now she had to learn how to just be plain Kagome Higurashi: the girl, the student, the daughter.

The individual. 

With three months’ perspective on the situation, she could see these things quite clearly, but it didn’t yet lessen the pain or bitterness. She didn’t know how to proceed, and, on top of all that…

God, she missed him.

“Kagome.”

She looked up to see her grandfather standing over her, clearing his throat.

She knew what was coming.

“Kagome, you know I want only the best for you,” he began, but she stood up, earning a growl of dissatisfaction from the cat and a look of surprise from her grandfather.

“Please,” she interrupted throwing up her hands.

“But this man is perfectly suitable!” he protested. “You’ve never even given him a chance. It’s not every day such an interesting, worldly scholar shows up on our doorstep!”

“Jii-chan, I’m not ready to date again,” she groaned, knowing her objections were falling on deaf ears. They’d only had this conversation nearly every day for the last week.

Her grandfather was stubborn. “Not many people have such a fascination with the myths and legends surrounding this old shrine,” he barreled on, as if she hadn’t spoken. “Besides, you two would have plenty to talk about. He’s been looking into the story behind the Shikon no Tama, which as I recall you did a project on?” He eyed her, weighing the possibilities that she would rise to this bait. When she didn’t, he gave a small grunt. “If this was the Feudal Era, and a man showed so much interest in your family background, you would be obligated to meet him!”

“Well I suppose it’s a good thing this _isn’t_ the Feudal Era,” she replied dryly. She gave him a patient smile. “I really appreciate the concern, Jii-chan. Just…don’t push, okay?” She wasn’t used to issuing such requests of her family, so even now, she held her breath and hoped she hadn’t offended him. 

He gave her a mutinous glare, but finally relented. “Of course, my dear,” he sighed. “I just hate seeing you so down like this. You were always such a happy child…”

“Thanks,” she replied, giving him a swift hug and kiss. She turned, noting that the cat had long since left, and drifted towards her room.

She’d seen more of the inside of these four walls this summer than she had during the previous seventeen combined. She threw herself down on the bed, turning her head so that she could see her desk. Something prickled at the back of her mind…

_…the Shikon no Tama…_

With a rush, she was taken back to that point in time, the very first day she had been assigned the project. She closed her eyes, remembering how she had walked into this very room, sat down at that very desk, and wondered how in the world she was going to survive three weeks in the presence of the very intimidating, very attractive Inuyasha Tashiro.

Memories floated by of their days spent together, chatting, flirting, glancing, touching...She remembered the wonder she felt at being in his presence, the awe he inspired within her – for his openness, his passion, his confidence. She’d wanted all of those things, to be able to _feel_ with the depth and breadth he seemed to. In one illicit moment, he had shown her just that…but unfortunately, it seemed that with the heights of soaring passion and lust came the depths of depression and despair.

She got up and wandered over to her desk, pulling open the bottom drawer. Buried in the stacks below was that infamous paper, and she had a sudden, nostalgic urge to find it and reread it. She dug it out, smoothing the cover page that proudly proclaimed both of their names (as well as their hard-earned A).

Quickly, she found herself immersed in the story all over again, reading through their careful analysis of the tragic tale. The bond between the hanyou and his priestess was so strong…so undeniable…it had lasted beyond death, beyond vengeance. Her fingers hovered over the pages as she read, so easily able to pick out his arguments, and hers, remembering the lively conversations they had while discussing what to keep, what to discard.

Before she realized it, she found herself out in the musty old store room, picking through family artifacts, searching for the last few original documents she knew they still had. For some reason, she needed to read the end of the story again, to be reminded that even fairy tales didn’t always end happily.

 _It’s gone_ , she thought, her irritation rising as she looked again. _The final scroll is gone._ She sighed, wiping her forehead on her sleeve, wondering how it could have been misplaced, when no one ever came out here…

 _Oh, yeah, the ‘scholar’_ , she remembered, her mouth twisting into a grim smile. _Well, he has just as much right to it as me, I guess. He’s actually using the sources for some sort of serious work, whereas I am just stoking memories…_

Her heart surged as she stood there, lost among the piles of scrolls, loneliness and grief overwhelming her for a moment. 

This wasn’t supposed to happen.

Her life wasn’t supposed to fall into shambles before it ever even truly started.

Why wasn’t it enough, to recognize that she had acted abruptly and foolishly? Her humiliation should have been payment for that, and these feelings for him should have fallen by the wayside.

But they hadn’t.

Why couldn’t she give up on him? Why now, even after all of this, did she still long for his nearness, his touch?

 _Is this what love is?_ she asked herself, fighting back a wave of bittersweet nostalgia. _If I had known it could hurt this much, I wish I’d never laid eyes upon him._

“Looking for this?”

Kagome exhaled sharply, her heart driving hard against her ribcage. It was the last voice she ever expected to hear again, the tone and timbre achingly sweet and familiar to her ears.

Slowly, agonizingly, she turned, wanting to believe and yet at the same moment, unable to. “Inuyasha?” she choked out. “What are you doing here?”

He leaned casually against the door frame, the dying rays of light flooding in around him, leaving him partially in shadow. “Much like you, I suppose,” he replied, lifting himself up and moving towards her at a steady, unhurried pace. “I was searching for the real end to our story.”

She couldn’t think, she couldn’t speak, she couldn’t even breathe as he approached. She stood, still as a statue, hoping he wasn’t some sort of cynical illusion, conjured up by her imagination. He chuckled softly as he drew nearer, and she realized her shock must’ve been writ large across her face.

“I didn’t mean to startle you,” he said, halting within intimate proximity. His shoulders tugged down into a sheepish half-shrug. “I’ve been coming here all summer, hoping to see you.”

“That was _you_?” she exclaimed incredulously. “The summer scholar was you?” Her brain was only working in fits and starts as her body reacted to his presence, but one thought came through loud and clear:

_How could Jii-chan have known?_

Inuyasha laughed again. “Yeah, that was me,” he confirmed. “I didn’t mean to lie to your grandfather, but I couldn’t very well tell him I was researching for a doujinshi, now could I?”

Her brow furrowed. “A doujinshi? Of what?”

He held up the missing scroll. “Well, didn’t you ever wonder what became of the hanyou after he finally avenged his beloved? And what about the curse? How was he freed from that tree in the first place?”

“Yeah, I’ve been looking into that,” Kagome replied, indicating the scrolls surrounding her. “There’s some vague mention of a priestess travelling with the hanyou on their quest, but it’s not really clear if it’s the spirit of the first one, wanting her revenge, or of it’s someone else entirely…”

Her words trailed off as she noticed Inuyasha’s eyes drifting down, settling on the Shikon jewel keepsake she’d put on earlier, after reading the paper. She flushed under the intensity of his gaze and lost her train of thought.

“It’s my contention that the hanyou got a second chance,” he said after a long pause, reaching out, fingers grazing the memento he’d given her all those months ago. “A second chance at love, to make sure he did it right. The priestess companion was a different girl, with a stronger spirit, more generous of heart and soul. She understood the moral of the story: that love worth having is love worth fighting for.”

She stared at him, her breath moving quickly in her chest, her skin prickling with electricity as his hand moved across her shoulder, up her neck, to rest against her cheek. The world around them melted away, and it was only she and he, standing there, on the brink of the precipice…

“Am I worth fighting for?” she said, the words so soft against her lips that they barely registered in her ears.

Her answer came swiftly: titling his head just so, he captured her mouth with his. A wave of shock crashed over her as her brain registered the sensation, but then her senses barreled to life. In that one moment, she felt alive and whole again, her bitter agony washed away by the gentle reassurance of his kiss.

Her mind was racing as he pulled away, memories piling atop each other at a staggering pace. “But what about graduation?” she sputtered. “I – I saw you with another girl, and…I thought…”

In the back of her consciousness, she heard the thump of the scroll as it fell to the ground, then his lips were on hers again. “Sango?” he questioned between kisses. “My best friend’s girlfriend?”

_Best…friend’s…?_

His arms encircled her, pulling her close. She could feel the tension in his muscles, the race of his heart so very near to hers. Their kisses were growing urgent, desperate.

“Oh, God, is that why you hid yourself away all summer?” he breathed, resting his forehead against hers. “If I had known…”

Prickles of heat and anticipation climbed up her spine as she curled her fingers into his shirt. “What? What would you have done?”

He shook his head, the long locks of his hair brushing softly over her hands. “I would’ve made it up to you a lot sooner.”

Her breath hitched at his words, and her heart filled to the brim with unadorned love for him. “I’m sorry for making you wait,” she said mournfully, twisting her arms around his neck, leaning close for another kiss.

“It was well worth it,” he replied, capturing her lips once again. 

Time flowed by unmarked as they continued, kissing, touching, exploring. Actions alone were enough to communicate – hesitation, hope, wonder, reassurance.

“You’re going to Geidai,” she whispered sometime later, as dusk settled around the now-quiet grounds.

“And you’ll be at the University of Tokyo,” he replied, gently twirling his fingers through her hair.

“It hardly seems fair to have to be apart now,” she sighed, tightening her grip around his waist.

She felt him shrug, and glanced up to see a surprisingly serene expression gracing his face. “Nah,” he mused. “I’ll always be with you, even if we’re on different sides of the city.”

“It won’t be easy,” she replied worriedly. _I’ve never done this before…my relationships have always been easy, close, steady._

“No,” he agreed, smoothing a hand down her back, soothing her fears away. “But it’ll be worth it, if it means never having to say ‘goodbye’ again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The lyrics used as scene breaks are from the following songs:
> 
> Jimi Thing / Lover Lay Down / Typical Situation © 1994 Dave Matthews Band  
> #41 © 1996 Dave Matthews Band


	4. Bonus: Holiday Spice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inuyasha & Kagome spend a sensual holiday weekend together after a three-month separation.

~*~

It had been three long, tiring, stressful months since they’d last seen each other.

It had hardly seemed fair, parting so soon, but alas – such was their terrible timing. Her program started a week earlier than his, so the last time she had actually laid eyes upon him was the day she moved into the student residence hall. He’d gone along, ostensibly to tease her for needing so much stuff when her family’s shrine was only half the city away – but his presence had also eased her trepidation at being on her own for the first time.

_They’d sat together by her bedside that night, holding hands, chatting quietly. Neither felt the need to rush into an immediate, intense relationship. “Having you in my life is enough for me,” he murmured. “We have all the time in the world to explore this, get to know each other better.”_

_“I just hate that we can’t be together,” she replied._

_“I’ll always be with you, even when we’re apart,” he assured her, drawing her close. His mouth found hers in the darkness. “We’ll make it work.”_

…and that’s when her roommate decided to grace them with her all-too-perky presence, staving off any further intimacy.

It hadn’t been easy. Their schedules were completely different, making even weekend visits impossible. Even though they were only separated by a thirty-minute train ride, they couldn’t find a stretch of time to make the journey worthwhile. Instead, they had to rely on technology to fill the gap – not a day went by without a call, text, IM, or email, if not some combination of all four. He always seemed to know when she needed to hear his voice; on many a night her stress was soothed by a surprise phone call.

As the term wore on, their schedules grew busier, their lives more engaging. Still, they managed to snatch small bits of time together for a chat, supporting each other through exams and papers. As winter break drew near, they began to make their plans to reunite. It was eventually decided that, because her classes ended a week earlier than his, she would spend the weekend before Christmas with him before heading home to her family.

And so, here she was, finally completing the journey back to him. She was nervous about staying with him, but her excitement and anticipation far outweighed anything else. Being in constant communication just wasn’t the same as actually _being_ with him – and somehow, missing him now was worse than before. _Knowing_ she had him, but being unable to _see_ him, was the very definition of frustration.

The train screeched to a halt as it barreled into the station, bringing Kagome back to the present. She couldn’t hide her smile as she clutched the strap of her bag; by the time she stepped down onto the platform, she was sure she looked like a gigantic idiot. But she didn’t care – she was one step closer to _him._

Her eyes scanned the crowd as she descended down into the main terminal. Her stomach clenched slightly as she found him, bundled up against the cold like everyone else, yet so easy to spot, thanks to that mane of silver hair. He waved, she ran, and then – 

– she was in his arms again.

“Hey, baby,” he murmured, his voice pouring over her like warm honey, sweeping away any anxiety she may have felt. She smiled blissfully, squeezing her arms around his waist, hoping he felt it through their necessary layers of winter clothing.

He let go of her all too soon for her taste, throwing her bag over his shoulder, taking her hand as they walked away from the train station. They travelled through the city streets in companionable silence. Inuyasha maneuvered expertly through the crowds, and Kagome found her heart brimming over with surprise and pride. _I can’t believe I’m actually here with him_ , she thought, glancing at the back of his head as he led the way to his apartment. _I can’t believe he’s actually…my boyfriend now._ After everything they had gone through to find one another, it still sometimes struck her, and she felt lucky and giddy all over again.

“Here we are,” he announced, stopping in front of a large yet nondescript building. He momentarily let go of her hand as he fumbled with his keys. “Home sweet home…at least, for the next three days.”

She laughed, adrenaline tingling at the ends of her nerves at the implication of his words. The door clicked open and they stepped inside, shrugging out of their coats and scarves. As she reached up to hang her gear on the hooks in the hallway, she felt his arms move around her waist. “Mm,” he sighed, his breath warm against her ear. “I missed you.”

“I missed you, too,” she murmured, turning to face him, wrapping her arms around his neck. He seemed inordinately pleased as he leaned down, capturing her lips in a sweet kiss. She responded hungrily, pulling him closer, opening her mouth in invitation. She felt him shudder slightly, his grip tightening around her, and her heart leapt with anticipation.

Soon enough, her back was against the wall, pinned beneath his body. Their kisses deepened, edged with a newfound urgency and pent-up passion. His hands roamed lightly over her body, finally seeming to settle under the backs of her thighs. Her breath came hot and fast as she felt him press against her insistently, and she knew that this had been so worth the wait.

“Ahem.” A slightly embarrassed cough broke through the haze of their desire. Kagome swallowed a regretful whimper as Inuyasha eased back, glaring over his shoulder.

“You won’t even let her get in the door before jumping her, eh?” Miroku laughed. He stood at the other end of the hall, arms crossed over his chest, looking far more amused than he had the right to be.

“Oh, shut up,” Inuyasha growled. “Like you weren’t doing the same a few hours ago, when Sango arrived.”

Miroku continued to grin shamelessly. “I believe I managed to close the door, at least,” he quipped.

Kagome flushed bright red, a wave of complete mortification rushing over her as she contemplated the idea of strangers inadvertently witnessing their heated reunion. Inuyasha grumbled under his breath, moving to close the door. “Weren’t you going to leave?” 

“Indeed, we were,” Miroku responded smoothly. “If you’ll give us a turn at the door, that is.” 

“Sorry!” A new voice entered the fray as an attractive girl rushed towards Miroku. She grasped his arm and gave him a sheepish smile. “I didn’t mean to keep you waiting.”

“No problem, my dearest,” he murmured. “You’re always worth the wait.”

Kagome felt another flush of embarrassment rise up the back of her neck and Miroku and Sango passed them in the hall. It was the first time she’d seen the other girl since their high school graduation, and she still felt awful for thinking such terrible, misbegotten things about her. 

Miroku and Inuyasha continued to snip at each other good-naturedly, and Sango rolled her eyes. “I swear, I think all guys are stuck at twelve years old on the inside,” she whispered knowingly to Kagome. “It’s a wonder we put up with them at all sometimes, isn’t it?” She gripped the other girl’s hand with surprising force. “It’s nice to finally meet you, Kagome. You’re all Inuyasha ever talks about.”

“Really?” The idea of him talking about her at all to his friends was surprising and pleasing. She returned the handshake. 

“Really. Oh, the stories I could tell you.” With another friendly smile, she was off, Miroku leading her out the door with a teasing laugh. Kagome made a mental note to ask Inuyasha for her email later. She seemed very nice; Kagome had lost touch with her trio of high school friends shortly after graduation, and was wistful for female companionship again.

“Sorry about that,” Inuyasha sighed. “Miroku’s such a hentai.”

“You didn’t kick him out, did you?” Kagome asked as he turned away, picking up her bag. She didn’t want him homeless for the weekend just because she was around.

“He’ll live,” he replied, sauntering off down the hall. He gave her an enigmatic smile as she began to follow. “Besides, maybe I want you all to myself for awhile.”

~*~

Inuyasha scowled, attempting to concentrate on the movie that was playing on his laptop.

He could’ve just _killed_ Miroku, that damn hentai bastard. He _would_ open his mouth at such an inopportune moment, if it meant he could get a dig in. The dude was absolutely shameless, which made for interesting times, living with him on a daily basis.

He couldn’t help the way he reacted. _How_ long had he wanted this girl? _How_ long had they been separated? And it wasn’t like they had been together long before school had separated them once again. Being able to actually see her, touch her, hold her – it was still a bit overwhelming. He’d waited so long for this moment, and now that it was here, he wanted to enjoy every possible minute.

Besides, she was the one who’d started it, out in the hall. He was only following her lead…

“Isn’t this romantic?” Kagome sighed, bringing him out of his thoughts. She was sitting in his lap, on arm draped over his shoulders, her fingers twirling lazily through his hair. Her eyes were glued to the screen, her expression blissful as she followed the action.

“Uh, yeah,” he mumbled. Honestly, he still found it hard to focus on anything beyond her and her physical presence. Hours had come and gone already, most of it a complete blur. He was pleased to see that this urge he had – to stay in constant physical contact with her – appeared mutual. She’d followed him around the apartment, holding his hand or brushing against his shoulder. While he made dinner, she stood next to him at the stove, arms linked at his waist, head resting against his shoulder. Even when they sat down to eat, their fingers were linked lightly across the table. Their conversation ebbed and flowed; more often than not they sat in companionable silence, as if they both recognized this need to let their ‘physical contact’ time catch up with their ‘communication’ time.

But now, as they sat in his mostly darkened room, his mind was returning to earlier, more pleasurable ways of spending time with her. 

This precarious position certainly didn’t help matters. Considering the way she was perched on his lap, he had a perfect view of the interior of her blouse. Her hair was swept over her shoulder, giving him direct access to her neck. Plus there was the fact she would adjust her seat every so often, squirming across his thighs in the most delicious manner.

He struggled to keep some measure of control over himself.

She sighed again, leaning back against him. The hand at his shoulder drifted up, absently touching the outer shell of his ear. He stiffened a bit as her fingers continued their soft caress before shifting back into his hair. He cut his eyes toward her, wondering if she knew how much she was turning him on, but she seemed blissfully oblivious.

The look of pure, unadulterated peace that radiated from her made his heart pump a little faster. It was times like these that he still found it unbelievable that she was his, that she returned his feelings to _any_ degree. Now that they were free of the rather oppressive high school social strata, she was blooming into an even more amazing person.

He dropped a kiss at her temple as the film soundtrack swelled. It was really the reason he’d picked this movie; the music was absolutely genius. His class in film score had been the most interesting of the entire term, and had given him more than a few compositional ideas of his own.

She shifted again, sitting up straighter, leaning forward slightly as the movie grabbed her attention. He took the opportunity granted, sliding his hand underneath her shirt, rubbing smooth circles over the small of her back. She shivered as his hand made contact. He leaned forward as well, unable to resist the smooth expanse of her neck.

“Oh!” Her fingers dug into his shoulder as he pressed a kiss to the base of her neck, nipping lightly with his teeth. She exhaled sharply as his tongue moved out to explore, leaving a lazy trail along the column of her throat. He concentrated his attention on the sensitive skin right under her earlobe, nuzzling gently, taking the opportunity to breathe in the heavenly scent of her hair.

Slowly, her attention shifted away from the glowing laptop screen, allowing him more access to her beautiful face. He complied promptly, pressing light kisses along her cheek until coming to rest at her mouth. He felt her grow more attune to his movements, her body twisting to face him, pressing eagerly against him, but he was determined to take his time. 

He had three months to make up for, after all.

He continued the slow, circular pattern on her back, willing her to relax. He resisted the demands of her mouth, continuing to brush his lips against hers, alternatively nipping and sucking. Her nails raked against his scalp, sending trills of pleasure racing down his back. He leaned back in the chair as her hands found his ears again, and she realized she had momentarily gained control of the situation, growling with unabashed delight as he allowed her tongue into his mouth.

He felt things escalating out of his control, but unable – or maybe _unwilling_ – to stop. Instead, he twisted in the chair, pushing it backwards until it bumped against the side of his bed. She giggled softly against his mouth as they rolled the short distance across the room, and he was suddenly grateful for his foresight in obtaining a desk chair with wheels.

He swept her up in his arms and deposited her on the bed, reaching over to turn off the light on the bedside table. She reached up as his hand found the switch, and he looked down at her questioningly.

“Don’t,” she said. 

The request was surprising, to say the least. Most girls hated anything less than total darkness, being so self-conscious and all.

She seemed to read his thoughts. “I want to see you. The first time…”

And he remembered: their first time had been pretty damn glorious, in the total darkness of the city public library, up in the reference stacks.

“All right,” he said, taking a moment to gaze at her. She was absolutely beautiful, her excitement and eagerness bare on her face. The bedside light cast a soft golden glow across her hair, splayed across his pillow.

 _How did I get so damn lucky?_ he wondered.

She reached up, pulling him down on top of her, drawing him into another fabulous kiss. He relaxed, settling his weight over her, enjoying the feel of her underneath him. His hands roamed freely as he pressed kisses along the line of her jaw. She clutched at his shirt, bunching it up in her fists as his head moved lower, down her neck, across her shoulders. 

In one swift move, he divested himself of the interfering fabric. Her eyes lit up as she took in the full sight of his chest for the first time, heaving under the heavy strain of his breathing. She reached up tentatively, running her fingers along the lines that defined it, exploring the smooth packs of muscle with something akin to awe. She sucked her bottom lip between her teeth as she explored, and he felt a surge of pride at her obvious approval.

He took the chance to work open the buttons of her blouse, pushing it open, getting his own eyeful. The Shikon jewel keepsake glittered at her throat, but it barely registered – his heart skidded at the sight of her underwear. “Crimson and lace?” he breathed, sliding a finger under the strap of her bra. _Oh, God._ Her pale skin seemed to glow in contrast.

Her back arched as the straps fell from her shoulders, the cups loosening around her breasts. “I always wear it when I’m thinking of you,” she replied, her voice breathy and thin. He had a sudden image then, of her in nothing but this, pleasuring herself as she thought of him, and he growled with possessive delight. 

All too soon, the bra was left to the side. He kissed her softly as he touched her breasts. He felt a flush rising up over her skin as he explored, and he had a sudden urge to show her she had nothing to be embarrassed over. He pressed fleeting kisses over her chest as he let his fingers glide over the soft skin, eventually exchanging his hands for his mouth. His palms rested against her ribcage, holding her gently in place as she began to relax and respond to his touch.

As his mouth continued its travels, he glanced up, eyeing her face from the narrow valley between her breasts. To see such ecstasy in her expression, all while knowing full well that _he_ was the one responsible, only served to heighten his desire.

His hands began to work the closure of her pants as he trailed kisses over the flat expanse of her belly. A well-timed arch of her back allowed him to push the pants over her hips, and she yelped in surprise as the cool air hit her skin. She tugged at his hair, and he moved back over her with a greedy grin to press a happy kiss to her lips. “A matching set?” he inquired, rocking his hips against hers even as his hands trailed over her panties.

Her eyes hooded as she felt his erection jutting against her. “Of course,” she replied, brushing her hands over his sides, tugging at the ends of his hair where it fell across his back. “Only the best for you.”

He shuddered, closing his eyes and letting his forehead fall against hers. His heart galloped in his chest as the warmth of her words poured over him. He’d never been thought so worthy of affection in his life, and now…this beautiful, wonderful girl was bestowing it upon him in spades? It was almost too much.

His hands grasped the backs of her thighs, bringing her up against him again, and she whimpered with delight. One hand slipped down to stroke her most intimately, sending a jolt of shock straight through him when he felt just how excited she was. He ran the backs of his nails over the dark satin, earning soft mewls of pleasure and huffs of hot breath against his ear.

He reached out for the bedside table as their hips rocked together again, blindly pulling out the drawer. She didn’t seem to notice, busy tugging at his belt, seeming to take pleasure in the challenge of helping him out of the rest of his clothes. He gasped sharply as he felt his trousers loosen, and her hands close around him.

“Uhhh,” he mumbled, unable to really move and yet caught in a most awkward position. She glanced up at him, her eyes travelling the length of his arm as he retracted it from the drawer, protection in hand. She gave him an experimental stroke, and he had to close his eyes for a moment. _So…good_ , his brain declared.

“Let me,” she whispered, so softly he almost didn’t hear it. He opened his eyes as the muscles across his abdomen constricted. She roiled her hips against his hand, a tiny, knowing smile creasing her mouth.

He sat back wordlessly, watching her silently as she ripped open the plastic. His eyes drifted towards the wall as he felt her hands on him again, and it was all he could do to control himself as she slipped the condom on. 

“Mmm,” she mused as she worked it into place. The expressions fluttering across his face gave her immense satisfaction. His head dipped down, the curtain of his hair falling over them, and in that moment she felt stupidly powerful and giddy.

He swept her underwear over her legs, bringing the focus back to her. Cautiously, he stroked her again, enjoying the feel of this most secret skin, before dipping a finger into her. His breath came hard and fast as he realized just how ready she was. Her hips rose to meet an experimental stroke of his finger, and what little amount of control remained snapped.

It was her turn to gasp with surprise as he grabbed the backs of her knees, pulling her legs apart, plunging in. He wanted it to be soft, languid, pleasurable…but dammit, he couldn’t help himself. He held himself steady for a moment, reveling in the exquisite feel of her, so tight, so warm, so inviting.

He felt her fingers on his neck, sweeping through his hair as she brought his face down for a kiss. “Sorry,” he mumbled.

Her hips rocked against his in response. “I’m not,” she replied. Her hands drifted down, moving over his chest, his stomach.

Her cue was all he needed; he held her close as they moved against one another, one hand at her thigh, the other caressing the underside of her breast. Waves of heat and desire emanated from her, her expression dissolving into absolute bliss as she reached – and passed – her climax. Her spasms of pleasure brought him over the edge, and he realized – 

– he had never loved or trusted her more than he did in this moment.

She didn’t last long in the aftermath, her eyelids drooping heavily as she stroked his hair, a silly smile on her lips. Soon enough, she was asleep in his arms, her chest rising and falling softly, rhythmically. He watched her for a long while, her body curled against his, flush with sleep and sex. He toyed with the jewel at her throat, simply amazed that she deigned to wear such a tacky ornament, yet strangely happy that she chose to do so anyway. It was a testament to their history, a silent nod to when they first met.

Finally, he settled down beside her, closing his eyes and sighing softly. She was the best Christmas gift he could ever imagine receiving.

~*~

Kagome drifted into consciousness the next morning as the soft rays of sunlight streamed in the window of Inuyasha’s room. Her eyelashes fluttered open and for a moment she was disoriented, waking up in a strange bed, in a strange place. As her clothes, strewn across the floor, came into focus, she smiled. _Oh, yes._ Memories of the night before ebbed at the back of her mind, and she felt her body blossoming in response.

She turned in the bed, reaching out for her boyfriend, only to find his place empty. Her heart seized as her hand fell over the still-warm sheets, and she sat up boldly, blindly, glancing around the room with a tiny spark of fear.

“Inuyasha?” she breathed, spotting him across the way, sitting in the window seat. She pulled the sheets up around herself, wondering what was going on…if she had done something wrong?

He turned to face her, his expression most serene. “Good morning,” he said. His heart leapt a little at the sight of her, so exquisite even in the morning, her hair tousled slightly as it fell over her shoulders.

“Is something wrong?” she asked, an edge of worry in her tone.

He shook his head. “I was just thinking about something,” he replied, reaching down, picking up a slim acoustic guitar, one of the many musical instruments that dotted his rather messy room.

Her irrational fear melted a bit as curiosity took over. “About what?” she prodded.

He laid the guitar across his khaki-covered lap. “My last assignment for composition this term was an original piece, and I was never really satisfied with the ending,” he said, strumming a few tentative chords. “But I think I know why now.”

Kagome was completely confused. “Why?”

His golden eyes glowed in the rising sun as he looked at her. “It’s a song I’d written for you,” he said softly. “About you.”

Her breath caught in her chest as he began to play, a sweet, softly melancholic instrumental. The song ebbed and flowed before swelling swiftly at the end, bringing to her mind a visceral memory – his hands moving over her body, exploring, tempting, loving…

Moisture rimmed her eyes as she watched him play. His fingers moved over the frets with practiced ease, his hair falling over his face as he concentrated. As it all came to an end, his head fell back, revealing a tranquil expression, his eyes closed, his lips soft and pliant.

The final chord reverberated through the room. “I needed to feel you again, to get it right,” he said, breaking the heady silence. “I hope you like it, baby.”

She slipped out of the bed as the tears slipped down her cheeks. He only managed to get the guitar back on its stand before she fell into his arms, showering him with kisses. “It’s perfect,” she whispered, wrapping her arms around him.

He chuckled, the sound vibrating through her as she held him. “Merry Christmas, Kagome,” he murmured, tucking her hair behind her ears.

“Merry Christmas, Inuyasha,” she replied, repeating the gesture before lowering her mouth to his.

**Author's Note:**

> The lyrics used as scene breaks are from the following songs:
> 
> Lover Lay Down / Satellite © 1994 Dave Matthews Band  
> Two Step / Say Goodbye © 1996 Dave Matthews Band


End file.
